Big Sister Ruby

In the past couple of months, Ruby has taken the leap from being The Baby to being The Big Sister.  Like most major milestones in life, it has been a mixed bag, both wonderful and difficult.  Without being able to help it, my perception of Ruby changed when Lucy was born.  Suddenly she looked so BIG, her hands and feet seeming almost comically large compared to the new baby's.  She was suddenly so heavy I could barely lift her, and it seemed silly that she was still in diapers that looked the size of Depends.  Along with the physical growth, some of it actual and some of it relative, was also a dramatic increase in maturity.  Suddenly, she knew and understood EVERYTHING.   And she had an opinion about everything too.  Many times in these periods of rapid development, she's not able to keep up with herself.  She can't speak quickly enough what she's thinking; she can't do deftly enough what she's intending.  Of course much of her is still my little Ruby, but it feels like we've had to get to know a new Ruby these last few months just as we've had to get to know our new baby Lucy.

As a big sister, Ruby is top notch.  It's like she was born for this role.  Ruby doesn't know how not to be gentle.  When she touches Lucy, she barely grazes her cheek.  When she kisses her, she softly pecks the top of her head.  When she talks to Lucy, she assumes a coo-y "baby voice" just like adults do, and says things like, "You're so cute, Baby Lucy!" and "When you get a little bigger, I will share my toys with you."  Every day she tells Lucy a dozen times that she loves her and announces to others, "We're best friends!"  Whenever we're in a store, she insists on buying a present for Baby Sister.  One time she picked out a tiny greeting card with a dinosaur on the front and directed me to write, "To Lucy, From Ruby" on the inside.  As expected, Ruby wants to help do everything for Baby Sister, from changing diapers to reading books to giving baths to feeding her first bottle.

 The fallout from such a huge life change was a bit delayed from what we expected.  In the beginning Ruby really didn't show any signs of jealousy, even insisting urgently one time when Lucy was crying, "Give her to Mommy!  She NEEDS her!"  However, slowly we have seen the combination of becoming a big sister and turning 3 take a toll on Ruby.  The rate of tantrums which used to be 1 every 2 or 3 weeks has increased to 2 or 3 each day.  She sometimes seems out of sorts, waffling between "I'm a big girl.  I know what I want!" and "I'm a baby.  Hold me."  The other day she said to me out of the blue, "I'm not an only child anymore ... but I want to be an only child."  I sometimes feel very badly for Ruby, whose perfect life got turned upside down by this little person who she both loves and sometimes doesn't want.  I also sometimes feel bad for Lucy, who spends way more time unattended in the swing than Ruby ever did as I try to give Ruby as much attention as possible during the day.  At the same time, I know that they are both so lucky.  Because they are sisters!  They will have each other for the rest of their lives, a built-in best friend, someone to complain to about me, boys, school, etc., someone to plan their weddings with, someone to babysit each others' kids!  Even though I never knew it first hand, just seeing the two of them I know that there's nothing better than sisters.

In another couple of weeks, Ruby will take another leap and start preschool.  Even though all transitions are potentially difficult for a slow-to-warm kid like Ruby, I am hoping that preschool will be a great outlet for her to have her own space, do her own thing, make new friends, and continue to grow up.  I can't help but sometimes wish  that Ruby could be a baby again because she was the sweetest, happiest baby.  Day by day I have to come to terms with the fact that all babies grow up.

*These baby swans were born just before Ruby's 3rd birthday.  Now they, like Ruby, are big kids.