It's hard to believe that it has been more than 3 years since we began this blog, hoping to capture our experiences of preparing for and adjusting to becoming a family of three. Now the time has come for both our blog and our family to undergo some major changes. By the end of June, little Ruby, who was a fetus at the time this blog began, will become a big sister.
The closer we get to 40 weeks gestation, the faster this pregnancy is going. As always, the first trimester seemed interminable. Starting with the wondering, "Am I pregnant? Do I dare take the test?" This time around, I had a hunch that I might be pregnant, as this was a very planned baby, timed to be born early enough so that Ruby would have time to adjust to big sisterhood before making another major transition of starting preschool and late enough so that we were sure to be living in a completed, construction-free home. I am extremely impatient and hate not knowing with matters such as this, so I made the mistake of taking the test too early (although the box advertised that it could be done) and got a false negative. However, a few days later, I woke in the middle of the night and couldn't return to sleep until I took it again. This time, I got the very faint affirmative line.
Along with the excitement came the worrying, the fatigue, and the nausea. They say you don't worry as much with your second pregnancy, but I suppose my capacity for worrying is vast because I agonizingly worried. It did not help that I had a lot of spotting during early pregnancy, which prompted the nurses to send me in for a "viability ultrasound" before my first scheduled prenatal appointment. Let me just say that during early pregnancy when you have no idea what is going on in your uterus and only a mish-mash of symptoms as your clues, Google is not your friend. Going in for this ultrasound (with both Steve and Ruby since we didn't have childcare, and I didn't dare go by myself) was a stomach-sinking, heart-pounding experience. We were so fortunate to see almost right away the flicker of a heartbeat on a normal, 8-week-old fetus.
Right around when Ruby was dressing up as
Little Red Riding Hood for Halloween, the nausea began. I was really lucky to not have had many early pregnancy symptoms at all with Ruby. I remember bracing myself for nausea and occasionally thinking, "Maybe this is it?" Now that I've actually experienced the constant nausea for weeks on end, it's clear that I wasn't really nauseous the first time around. The fatigue was also much more pronounced, probably due to having to care for and entertain a 2 year old who doesn't nap day in and day out. Whereas when I am my normal self, I fill most days up with activities and feel restless if we don't get out of the house enough, during the first trimester, I barely made it through our morning class and wanted nothing more than to lie on the couch the rest of the day. I felt badly for Ruby as she puttered around, playing with random things in our temporary apartment and watching way more TV than she ever had before. The only reason I made it through those couple of months was because Ruby is such an amazingly calm and easy child. Whenever I would drift off on the couch, she would stay right next to me and play quietly, although she'd often do things she knew she wouldn't be allowed to do if I were awake. One time, she sat next to me on the couch and meticulously pulled out all the threads from my throw blanket. Another time she grew either so tired or so bored that she rested her head on me and fell asleep while still standing up!
Christmas brought the glorious end of the first trimester and the return of my energy. We were also finally able to share the news with friends and family, which is always a welcome relief.
Since Ruby had attended the 8 week ultrasound, she was clued into the presence of a "baby" in Mommy's tummy, but for the first half of the pregnancy treated the matter with healthy skepticism. When we would ask, "Ruby, is there a baby in Mommy's tummy?" she'd respond, "Nooooo ..." And when pressed, "Then what's inside Mommy's tummy?" she thought for a moment and said, "Maybe lots of food in Mommy's tummy."
We decided to take Ruby with us to the Anatomy Scan, where we would find out, among other things, the gender. When we asked Ruby if she thought the baby was a boy or a girl, she answered without hesitation, "A girl!" Turns out she was right.
Although there is a lot of truth to what parents say about not caring whether the baby is a boy or a girl, as long as they are healthy (especially when you know the myriad things that can go wrong during the formation of a new little person), I think in most cases there is, if not hope, then some expectation. I expected Ruby to be a boy, and when I found out she was a girl, it took some time to wrap my head around it and re-imagine my baby as a daughter. This time around, I think both Steve and I imagined and hoped that this baby was a girl. Aside from the fact that we had saved every article of clothing Ruby had worn in her life for the possibility of another baby girl, we hoped that Ruby would have a sister who she could grow up with, be friends with, and have as support for the rest of her life.
The pregnancy after the start of the second trimester has gone as smoothly and as easily as I could have hoped for. In some ways it has been even easier than my first pregnancy. Although being a stay-at-home mom to a toddler is more physically draining than grad school life, the psychological stress of my daily life is insurmountably less. I still cringe when I think about trying to squeeze in a thesis committee meeting before going on maternity leave and receiving 10 pages of reviews and revisions for my paper the day after my leave began. Also, the activity I get with Ruby seems to be a lot more ergonomic than sitting at my desk or at the lab bench, and I've had much fewer lower back problems and muscle aches this time around.
The main downside to this pregnancy has been that I've had significantly more doctor's visits and tests due to the pregnancy being categorized as "high risk." Due to some
medical issues that were discovered last year (basically some elevated auto-antibodies that puts the fetus at a slightly higher risk for a particular heart condition), I had to have fetal echocardiograms every other week throughout the second trimester. Fortunately, all of the fetal echos were completely normal, and no more follow-up is needed.
Throughout the second trimester, the prospect of actually having a new baby in our family seemed like a very far-away reality. When I was only 20something weeks pregnant, the due date seemed somehow in the unreachable future. It wasn't until a few weeks ago that the realization set in that we will have a human baby in the house in the near future. Then I started to panic a little because we have not prepared a thing. At this stage in pregnancy the last time around, we had already spent months visiting every baby boutique in the city, researching strollers, assembling nursery furniture, packing the hospital bag, and lovingly washing and folding baby clothes. As of now, with less than 1 month to the due date, the nursery is still a storage unit, we've not bought or assembled a single piece of furniture, and we have no newborn sized diapers except for the few that Ruby uses on her dolls. So in the past few weeks, at a frenzied pace, we've begun to prepare for the baby. So far, I've interviewed and selected both a doula to guide us in labor and delivery and an interior designer to furnish and decorate the nursery. The rest of my time has been dedicated to making the absolute most out of the time that I have with just Ruby.
Ruby today is as ready as an almost-3-year-old can be to having a new baby sister. A year ago, I could not have imagined having another child because Ruby was permanently attached to my hip. She needed me, and only me, for everything. These days, although she is not and probably will never be the most independent kid, she has grown up so much. She can play by herself for extended periods of time; she walks down the street holding my hand instead of demanding to be carried; she cheerfully says "Goodbye Mommy!" as she heads out the door with her dad or the nanny. At the same time, she is still my little buddy, and our day-to-day life together is more fun and relaxed than it's ever been. I feel like I can take her pretty much anywhere and at any time of day, since she doesn't need to nap. We sit in cafes, picnic on beach when the weather is nice, take the shuttle bus just for fun, and sometimes stay out from breakfast until dinnertime just because Ruby is having too much fun. As much as we will welcome and cherish Baby Sister, I think we will both mourn the loss of this very special time that's just the two of us.
Ruby is going to be a wonderful Big Sister. She talks all the time about how she's going to make food for Baby Sister and teach her how to play with her toys and keep her away from choking hazards. Several times a day she asks to hug Baby Sister or pretends to feed her (my tummy) food or stuffs her teddy bear in her shirt and says SHE has a Baby Sister in her tummy. The other day she said, "I want Baby Sister to come out NOW!" I told her that Baby Sister would come out soon, in just a few weeks, hardly believing it myself.
Before I can fully dedicate my mind to preparing for the baby, I have to take care of the unfinished business of celebrating Ruby's 3rd birthday, which is now just a week and a half away. We are planning a big birthday party for her next Sunday and then a special day filled with her favorite things on her birthday the following Thursday. I am determined not to go into labor before then. I just cannot believe that Ruby, who Steve and I still often refer to as "The Baby," is going to be a 3-year-old preschooler and Big Sister. Baby Sister, we all are so looking forward to meeting you and holding you and getting to know you. Just stay in there a little longer if you can!
