Ruby's new ride

By far the largest present this Christmas was our new car, a Lexus Rx450h. I claimed the present was for Ruby, but Shuyi has her doubts. To be fair, only I've driven the car so far. However, Shuyi has not driven it only because she's worried about her ability to get the car in and out of our garage (about 1-2" inches of clearance on either side), and Ruby has not driven it cause, well, she can't reach the petals or see over the dashboard. Plus, Shuyi did get to pick out the interior and exterior colors.

I got the hybrid since we do the vast majority of our driving in the city. All that starting and stopping results in my getting around 14-15mpg in my G35. The Lexus is EPA rated for 30 in the city and 28 on the highway. However, the G was rated 19 or 20 in the city and I don't see how that's possible without driving like a grandma (or a hypermiler). I'll be happy if we end getting at least 24-25 mpg. At that rate, I think it will be more than 10 years before I recoup the extra hybrid costs from gas saving. Oh well. I ended up purchasing through Cartelligent http://www.cartelligent.com/, a car buying service. I got about the same price I would have gotten directly through the dealer, but without having the annoyance of dealing with car salesmen.

I must say that out of all of the Ruby's presents, this one is my favorite (although I believe Ruby's favorite was the wrapping paper). I'm quite impressed with the new Remote Touch control for the GPS, which is a joystick-like pointer device with haptic response. However, I was disappointed with the size of the bow. Apparently, Lexus dealerships don't actually have bows as big as those shown in their December to Remember commercials. Classic Bait-and-Switch!

My first Christmas

Yesterday was a very special day. I got to get all dressed up, and there were a lot of people who came to see me. My Nai-nai, Ye-ye, and Lao-lao were all there, and they kept on fighting over who got to hold me.



My Uncle Hao was also there, and he liked to pinch my cheeks.



I got tired of posing for pictures. When do we get to the presents???



When I got my first present, I thought that I was just supposed to chew on the outside, but then Mommy and Daddy showed me how to unwrap it first.



I got a lot of really neat stuff! I got some very pretty foot-coverings that felt like extra hard socks, but darnit, I couldn't figure out how to tie the strings on them!



I also got a few nice and furry things, but I don't understand why Daddy kept on taking the best part of the present away and throwing it in the trash.



I even got presents out of the gigantic sock that Mommy hung up by the fireplace.



I really enjoyed my day. All the presents were great, but the best part was having all those extra people around to entertain me. Now that I know how the whole thing works, next year I'm going to start my Christmas shopping early.

Sleep training

A couple of weeks ago, Steve and I were confronted for the first time with the question, "What kind of parents do we want to be?" Up until now, parenting Ruby has been very easy and straight-forward. As they say, there is no way to spoil a newborn because they only have needs, not wants. Crying = bad, and our job = stop the crying. However, at some point, shielding your child from every hardship and giving her everything that she wants becomes more of a disservice. The hard part is figuring out when we've reached that point.

Back when Ruby was a newborn and our greatest concern was trying to get her to wake up, I never would have imagined that one day our concern would be how to get her to go to sleep. Even after Ruby emerged from her Sleepy Period of never once waking up on her own, she was still a very avid sleeper. She started sleeping through the night in 8-10 hour stretches starting around 3 months, something that inspires envy from other parents. Even though she had a hard time going to sleep at night unless she was nursed to sleep, she slept so well at night and was such a happy baby, that I never really worried about it. Plus, I didn't mind nursing her to sleep. I probably wouldn't have minded if she were permanently glued onto my chest and I could carry her around all day like a mommy kangaroo.

However, when Ruby turned 6 months old, her sleeping habits also changed. It became much more difficult for her to fall asleep, and she slept much more lightly. She would often get to the point of being over-tired but not be able to fall asleep, which would set off The Loud Crying. When this would happen the only sure-fire fix was nursing her, because that was they way she had become accustomed to falling asleep. Related to this, Ruby also became extremely attached to me at night. From the time the sun went down until she went to bed, she stuck to me like a little monkey. No one else could hold her, nor could I leave her sights for fear of inciting The Loud Crying. In fact, each of the nights that my mom babysat for us while we were on vacation, I came back to find Ruby red-faced and bleary-eyed from crying, making me feel so horrible that I planned to stop going out at night for the forseeable future.

Even though this behavior was not ideal, it was something I felt like I could deal with because she was fine at night as long as I was holding her, and once she fell asleep, she would still sleep through the night. However, a few days after we returned from Hawaii, Ruby's sleep habits took a turn for the worse. Even though she was nursed to sleep like always, as soon as I would try to put her down in her crib, she would wake up and cry until I picked her up. I could tell that she was very tired and sleepy, but she wouldn't sleep unless I was holding her. It was taking till around midnight or later before she was really going down in her crib, and even then, she would wake up in the middle of the night, realize that she was no longer being held, and cry. Several nights in a row I fell asleep on top of the covers, holding Ruby, in all of my clothes because I could not put her down for a moment to get myself ready for bed without setting off The Crying. I could tell that the issue had to do with attachment rather than hunger because as soon as I picked her up, she would be fine. Unfortunately, Steve picking her often made it even worse, like she was saying, "No no no, I wanted the one with the boobs!"

A few days after all this started, we went in for Ruby's 6 month checkup. When the pediatrician heard about Ruby's bedtime difficulties, she immediately recommended that we begin sleep training. The issue of SLEEP is one of the most heated and controversial topics in baby care. There are dozens of books you can read on the subject, and they span the philosophical spectrum from Crying It Out (Ferber's method) to Attachment Parenting (espoused by Dr. Sears). The standard Crying It Out method of sleep training involves establishing a bedtime routine, putting the baby down at a set beditme, leaving the room, letting her cry for 10 min., checking in on her for 1 min., then letting her cry for 15 min., etc. until she learns to fall asleep on her own. On the other hand Attachment Parenting sleep books encourage parents to continue to respond to their baby's cries and to bring the baby into bed with them if necessary. If my desire to attach Ruby to my chest is any indication, I clearly identified more with the Attachment Parenting philosophy, and the concept of leaving my baby to cry alone in the dark for 10 min. was horrifying to me.

It surprised me when our pediatrician was so matter-of-fact in her recommendation of the Crying It Out method, and so emphatic that we start right away. Even though I was clearly uneasy about the idea, it seemed like her position was that this was what was best for the baby, and any uneasiness I had was a weakness on my part that I needed to overcome.

I left the appointment anxious and confused, so I immediately delved deeper into sleep training research. I learned that there is a lot of logic to the Crying It Out philosophy, in the sense that the goal is to teach the baby how to fall asleep on her own, a skill that will be valuable for the rest of her life. Due to the nautre of human sleep cycles, we all wake up several times in the middle of the night, but most of the time we're not even aware of it because we know how to fall right back to sleep. However, this ability is learned and not innate, so a little baby who has always relied on nursing to fall asleep will not know how to fall asleep on her own unless she is trained. On the other hand, I don't think I agree with the parenting technique of leaving your child to cry by herself in the dark. I discussed it with other member of my playgroup, and it seemed like many of us were in the same boat. We had all been pressured by our pediatricians to sleep train, but nobody had the stomach to leave their child to cry.

I knew that what we were doing at the time clearly wasn't working, and my main fear was that Ruby's attachment issues at bedtime would only get worse. Although I wouldn't necessarily have minded moving Ruby to our bed on a permanent basis, I was concerned that if we put off sleep training until she was a toddler or older, that the process would be exponentially more difficult. Therefore, we decided to try a modified version of Crying It Out called the "Sleep Lady Shuffle," based on a book by The Sleep Lady. Under this technique, the parents do not leave the room, but the baby is still supposed to be put down in the crib and allowed to fall asleep on her own. Although this resolved my misgivings about leaving a child to cry alone in the dark, in many ways this method was much harder than the stardard Crying It Out because in this case, I had to sit by the crib and watch the baby cry.

We tried this method for two nights. By the end of the second night, I was a wreck. I was crying along with the baby, desperate to pick her up, but afraid that if I did, all the crying she already did would have been a waste. Before bedtime the third night, I told Steve that I wasn't going to follow the method anymore; I was just going to wing it. So I put Ruby down in her crib, and miraculously, she fell asleep without fussing at all.

I wish I could say if it was letting her cry that made it work or if it was the decision to no longer let her cry that made it work, but I really have no idea. I do believe that the one thing that has definitely helped was setting a bedtime routine. Nowadays, every night around 8pm, I nurse Ruby, Steve changes her diaper, then I read her a story, put her down in her crib, turn on her sound machine, and sing to her until she falls asleep. In the past couple of weeks, Ruby has been falling asleep on her own, in her crib, with minimal or no fussing.

Although it is always a little sad when your baby doesn't need you as much anymore, I am mostly relieved that, at least for now, we have conquered Bedtime.

Introducing solids

Far more momentus than my 26th birthday on Sunday was Ruby's 0.5th birthday last Monday. The 6th month marks a number of milestones, one of which is the introduction of solid foods. Starting solids does not mean that Ruby is transitioning from an all-milk diet to all meat and potatoes. For the next few months, she will still be getting almost all of her nutrients from breastmilk. However, it's important to introduce solids in order for Ruby to learn that food can come from a spoon and not just a bottle or a boob, and in order to diversify her palate by experiencing new flavors.

Although the concept of experiencing every single food for the first time is very exciting, it also adds a level of complexity to the whole feeding situation. We now need a whole new set of gear for feeding, as well as the equipment to make the food. (Perhaps making your own baby food is another "San Francisco thing," but I never really considered giving Ruby baby food from a jar, especially after playing the baby shower game. Steve and I don't eat our meals out of a can, so I don't see why we would feed Ruby out of a jar.)

The recommended protocol for starting solids is to introduce a new food every three days, so that if there is any bad reaction, you will know which food caused it. Almost everyone starts with rice cereal because it is exceptionally bland and non-allergenic. Mixed with breastmilk, the concoction is no more than slightly viscous breastmilk. This was Ruby's first taste of solid food, an experience she embarked on with great trepidation.



Although much of the rice cereal ended up on Ruby's face, hands, bib, and chair, I don't think any of it was actually consumed. She seemed far more interested in grabbing and chewing on the spoon than the cereal itself. We tried rice cereal for 2 more days without much more luck, so we figured she didn't have a taste for rice cereal. Since then, we've introduced Ruby to butternut squash, carrots, and sweet potato. Unfortunately, she has approached each one of these foods with the same amount of reluctance, despite the fact that each one was made from fresh, organic ingredients and pureed till velvety smooth and (in my opinion) quite delicious. I have actually eaten considerably more baby food than Ruby because I keep eating what she doesn't finish.

It seems like Ruby is just taking a long time to warm up to the idea of swallowing something that's not milk. By the third day of each food she would actually be forcefully closing her mouth, turning away, and crying. I was getting a bit concerned that Ruby was determined to sustain herself on breastmilk for the rest of her life. There did seem to be some improvement tonight when Ruby took down most of her serving of sweet potatoes, although her serving was just the size of one cube from an ice cube tray (my method of baby food storage). Hopefully the little foodie inside her will emerge soon.

Christmas tree

Today we put up our first family Christmas tree. Ruby helped.



Steve and I have never spent the holidays at home as we usually go east to my parents' place, so we've never done any real Christmas decoration. We do have a small, pitiful, table-top tree that I was going to set out, but then I realized that this is Ruby's first Christmas and time to start our family holiday traditions. So yesterday we went to Target and bought all of the basics in tree decoration. As is expected, our tree currently looks like a smaller version of a department store Christmas tree, as we have yet to accumulate the various knick-knacks, widgets, and whatsits that adorn most family Christmas trees. (For example, many of the ornaments on my parents' tree are not meant to be ornaments at all but are instead key chains, car air freshners, or several-decade-old candy.) But I guess we have to start somewhere!

Here is the finished product:

Maui

Ruby has had a number of firsts recently. She had her first Thanksgiving, which was fairly uneventful. I was way too busy with work this year to do my regular 48-hour cook-a-thon Thanksgiving meal, and even if I had the time, it would have been much harder with a baby attached to me the whole time. Plus we were leaving for vacation right afterwards, so we couldn't have leftovers. We decided to try the pre-cooked Thanksgiving dinner from Whole Foods, and even though I've heard lots of good things about it, it just didn't measure up to home-cooked Thanksgiving. Ruby wasn't able to partake in the dinner either because I didn't want to start her on solids right before we went on our trip. We are hoping by Christmas Ruby will be able to eat her own pureed version of Christmas dinner.

My parents flew in for Thanksgiving from the East Coast, and we all left for Maui together on the Saturday after Thanksgiving. For weeks now I had been preparing all the necessary baby materials for this trip, most of which involved some form of defense against the sun (baby sunscreen, hats, UV-resistant swimsuits/rashguards, baby sunglasses, and a pop-up tent for the beach, all of which was packed along with more clothes, diapers, and toys than we ever ended up needing). As our luggage exceeded the capacity of our car, my dad drew the short straw and had to take the Super Shuttle to the airport.

Navigating the airport with the baby was pretty simple. We ended up taking Ruby's carseat and a Snap 'N Go stroller, which we gate checked, and we got to go through the special Families and Special Needs line at security. Here's Ruby excited to board a plane for the first time:



One of my concerns about air travel was possible exposure to communicable disease, so I armed both my parents and I with spray bottles of 70% ethanol from the lab to spray down our entire airplane seat and its vicinity. Fortunately, our flight was fairly empty, and we had a spare seat for Ruby next to us, as well as an entire empty row of seats next to and behind us. We brought Ruby's carseat on board, but we didn't end up using it because she was much happier being held the whole time.



It was a 5 hour flight to Maui, so two naps, two feedings, and two diaper changes later, we arrived. We stayed at my parents' timeshare at the Ka'anapali Beach Club on the western side of the island. The impetus of this whole trip was actually an attempt to use up their remaining timeshare points for the year before they expired, as my parents are workaholics and never go on vacation (yes, they were the ones checking work email on the beach). The best part of the accomodations were the sweeping ocean views in every room, as we discovered when we woke up the next morning.



The first day Steve and I rented some snorkels and tested them out on the beach. Steve was somewhat apprehensive about snorkelling because he is not buoyant. We decked Ruby out in all of her sungear, and she hung out on the beach with my parents.



The weather that day was somewhat inclement, by Hawaii's standards, with winds and intermittent showers, so we eventually had to take refuge in a nearby hotel. The following day, we took a boat out on a snorkelling trip in the morning.



The intended destination was Molikini crater, a very popular snorkel spot off the southwest coast of Maui, but due to high winds, we were redirected to a more protected cove closer to shore. Steve, my dad, and I all tried out snorkelling while my mom stayed with Ruby on the boat. Although initially Steve did not dare to enter the water without a floatation device, he got the hang of it quickly and actually took to snorkelling quite well.



I really enjoyed swimming with the all the fishies, although I discovered that snorkelling for too long made me feel a bit seasick. Since my mom didn't get to snorkel on the boat, that afternoon we took her to a popular snorkel location by the beach called the Black Rock.



There were also a ton of fish to see, but the visibility was not as good as where the boat took us. My mom had a bit of trouble with snorkelling because she had a tendency to panic and then stop breathing through her mouth. She is also not used to swimming in water deeper than what she can stand in, so she had to stay very close to shore. The one time she drifted slighly further out, she had to enlist the help of a nearby elderly gentleman to pull her back in. After all that, she claims she was only able to see one fish. :-\

The following day, we drove up to the summit of Haleakala Mountain. At an elevation of over 10,000 ft, we were far above the clouds.





We were able to enjoy some interesting moon-like topography.



Ruby was really exhausted after all that hiking.



That evening, Steve and I decided to take advantage of the free babysitting and go out to a nice restaurant, so we had our first date night in more than 6 months. Of course we just talked about the baby the whole time.

The next day we went to the northern part of the island to visit the Nakalele Blowhole. Ruby was quite pleased.



We were a bit confused because the trail to the blowhole was not clearly marked, but Steve thought it was thataway.



After a treacherous hike in flip flops and a dress, we made it to the blowhole.



Ruby was unimpressed.



Later that day we took Ruby to the pool for her first swim, which she seemed to mildly enjoy.



As that evening was our last night in Hawaii, Steve and I went to a luau called The Feast at Lele while my parents watched Ruby for us. This was sort of a more sophisticated version of a traditional luau, so there was no pig on a spick. We were all seated at individual tables and served our food course by course. Each of the courses represented the cuisine from a different island: Hawaii, New Zealand, Tahiti, and Samoa. Everything was super good! The dinner included an unlimited number of yummy tropical cocktails, which we would have taken advantage of even more if I didn't have to worry about getting the baby drunk by proxy. Along with each course there was also a performance that represented that particular region. I thought it was one of the best parts of the whole trip. Next time we will take Ruby to see it.



In the end, we all had a lot of fun on our Hawaiian vacation. It's definitely somewhere we would like to return to, and we've already talked about all the things Ruby could do the next time. At Ruby's age, going on vacation is always more for the adults, so I think we will have even more fun next time because we will get to see Ruby enjoy it for herself.

Back from vacation

Aloha! We have returned from our Hawaiian getaway! 10 hours roundtrip on the plane, 5 days of fun in the sun, no major injuries or illnesses.



I'll post details and more pics when I get some free time ...

Growing up

Now that Ruby is over 5 months old, all of her newborn qualities have faded away, and she is officially a Regular Baby. We have retired her co-sleeper and snuggle nest, as she is now sleeping exclusively in her crib. We have also retired the My Brest Friend pillow because she no longer fits on top. All these things have gone into deep storage awaiting the next baby.

As Ruby approaches the 6 month mark, we are preparing for several new milestones, the most important of which is introducing solids. We have begun to gather all of the necessary gear such as booster seats, high chairs, baby spoons, baby bowls, baby food recipe books, an immersion blender for making baby food, baby food storage containers, and heavy-duty bibs.

Ruby also seems to be getting ready to pop out teeth. Although she has been putting everything into her mouth for a while now, she has recently been really chomping down on things and will often use her fingers to pull at her lower gums. I am trying to get her plenty of good chew toys so that she will not feel the need to chew on me.

As many say, having a baby really accentuates the passage of time because they change so quickly. Just as we've gotten used to diapers, breastfeeding, and tummy time, it's time for solids, teething, and child-proofing!

Rock and roll

Last night I finally taught Ruby how to roll over. Since she is almost 5 months old now, she was a little behind the ball in terms of this developmental milestone. I could tell that she had the capability of doing it, but she lacked the motivation, as she is usually so content in whatever state she happens to be in. I had read somewhere that you can teach your baby how to roll by putting them on a blanket and lifting the blanket to help them roll over. I did this a few times, and then Ruby started to do it on her own! She will only roll front to back and has no interest in rolling back to front, as she prefers to be on her back.

Here she goes:

Moo! Happy Halloween!

For her first Halloween, Ruby was a little cow because she was born in the year of the cow. The first Halloween is the best because babies don't know what's going on, so the parents can dress them up as ridiculously as they like.

Ruby's playgroup had an early Halloween party where all the babies debuted their costumes. The cuteness was overwhelming. We did a photo session in the beginning with all the babies propped up on the couch. Everyone was pretty chill.



A few more babies showed up, so we tried to do another photo session at the end of the playgroup. This one did not go so well, inciting a chain reaction of melt-downs. I had to capture the moment on video. The most hilarious part is how Ruby, the caterpillar, and the fireman become more and more squished together, forming a haven of calm in the midst of the melt-downs. The first time I watched the video, I laughed until I cried.

Ruby's Favorite Things II

The second edition of Ruby's Favorite Things:

1) Jumperoo



Ruby's favorite activity these days is bouncing in her Precious Planet Jumperoo. She can spend upwards of 20-30 min. jumping away, sometimes so vigorously that she has to close her eyes as if she's afraid the room will topple in around her. The toys on the Jumperoo light up and play music in response to her jumping, further adding to her delight. Anytime one of her little friends come over for a playdate, they always love playing in the jumperoo as well, and their parents leave with the intention of buying one for themselves. There are several baby products similar to the Jumperoo, such as the Exersaucer, which is like a Jumperoo without the jumpy cables, and the Doorway Jumper, which is like a Jumperoo without the surrounding toys. But why get either of these when through the genius of Fisher Price, you can have the best of both worlds?

2) Zip Front Sleep 'N Plays

If you follow photos of Ruby, you will notice that she is almost always dressed in a Zip Front Sleep 'N Play.



We discovered early on that this article of clothing is by far the easiest to take on and off. They are also very appropriate for the type of temperature it always is around here, and plus they are just gosh darn cute. Since she can both sleep 'n play in them, we saw no reason to ever dress Ruby in anything else. It wasn't until I started going to our playgroups that I noticed that other parents dress their babies in real clothes, and I was the only one who had my baby out in her pajamas. To spare her further embarrassment, I now dress Ruby in real clothes when we go out and keep her in Zip Front Sleep 'N Plays whenever she is home.

3) StayDry Bath Apron Towel

I have to commend the ingenuity of these bathtime towels. Not only do they keep you dry as you are giving the bath, they make it so much easier to dry off baby when the bath is done. Conventional hooded towels, while adorable, seem difficult to get your child into without getting yourself wet or making the baby cold.



With the bath apron towel, you can bring the baby directly to your chest and fold up the bottom of the apron to dry the baby and keep her warm. They also create many great photo opportunities.

Preschool preview

Last night Steve and I attended SF's annual Preschool Preview Night. Despite having received recommendations from many different sources that we should attend, I could not help but feel a little insane putting my 4.5-month-old baby on waitlists for preschool. However, I was redeemed by the presence of many pregnant women who were searching for preschools for their as-yet-unborn fetuses.

Overall, I feel like the event was more overwhelming than helpful. It was set up as an exhibition with a large roomful of booths representing the various preschools in the city. Swarms of eager parents crowded in front of the most "prestigious" preschool booths, such as the Montessori schools and all of the ones located in Presidio Heights. I approached one preschool representative and asked how one goes about applying for their school, and she explained to me that they were very focused on "connections." As I stared at her blankly, she advised me to start going to their functions, meet the teachers and other parents, write letters, etc. Apparently many preschools ask for letters of recommendation in their application, seriously.

At this point the only criteria that Steve and I have agreed upon is that we want to send Ruby to a play-based preschool versus academic-based. The academic-centered philosophy is that preschool is a place to prepare children for elementary school and to start teaching them the basics in reading, math, etc. I assume play-centered preschools are where kids eat playdough and finger paint. We want to go for the playdough and paint. In a world where you need letters of recommendation to get into preschool, we feel like it's our role to encourage her to be a slacker for as long as possible.

4 month check up

Ruby had her 4 month check up on Friday. She weighed 13 lbs 12 oz and was 26.75 inches long, which still puts her at around 50th percentile for weight and 95th percentile for height. The pediatrician said that we need to start transitioning her out of the cosleeper and into her own crib at night, and that we need to start setting a bedtime routine. Ruby has gotten into the habit of being nursed to sleep, and while she can fall asleep on her own for naps, she won't go to sleep at night unless she's nursing. We fell into the habit in an effort to have her eat as much as possible before going to bed so that she would sleep for longer through the night. I don't mind nursing her to sleep, but I guess it's supposed to be a bad habit for when she gets older. Unfortunately, I don't think I will be very good at breaking her of this habit because alas, I am weak, and I cannot resist this:

Childcare

I have been back at lab for a month now, and although productivity has not been high on my part, we are somewhat getting into our routine at home. Everyone told me that it would "get easier," and while it certainly is easier now than on Day 1, I'm not sure it's getting progressively easier. I have been staying at home with Ruby on most Wednesdays, so on Thursdays and Mondays when I have to leave her again, I still feel down in the dumps. This is despite the fact that I make things very easy on myself by coming home early whenever I can to take Ruby to playgroups and whatnot. It's the days when I'm gone the whole day that are the hardest, and I'm not sure I could do a job that would require me to be away all day every day. Like most babies, Ruby is at her best and happiest in the morning. By the time the evening comes along, she is often cranky and tired from her long day of playing, eating, and pooping. Unfortunately, this happens to coincide with the time the parents come home and are themselves tired and hungry. From my experience, on the days when I am away the whole day, there is a lot less opportunity to enjoy the baby and a lot more focus on accomplishing the essentials, i.e. feeding the baby, feeding myself, and putting the baby to bed.

For the first two weeks that I was back in lab, Steve stayed home with Ruby. This really helped me through the initial Leaving of the Baby, as I knew that Ruby was used to being with Steve, and they often skyped me during the day so that I could see them through the webcam. Since then, Ruby has been at home with the nanny, which has required a whole new set of adjustments on my part.

We found our nanny through Golden Gate Mothers Group, my primary source for everything baby. Finding childcare was one of the parts of parenthood that I was least looking forward to. However, I had started to consider my options long before Ruby was born. Her name has been on the waitlist for the UCSF childcare center at Mission Bay since we found out we were pregnant. However, we don't hold out any hope that she will be offered a spot, as the waitlist is so long that by the time we are called, Ruby might be fully grown. After considering our remaining childcare options, we decided that the most ideal was a nanny share, where two families share one nanny. We liked this arrangement for several reasons:

1) It's more economicable than having a single-family nanny.
2) It allows Ruby to have social interaction with another baby, much like having a sibling
3) It gives us a support system in the other parents, providing an extra set of eyes and increased security in the event that there is some issue with the nanny.

Although the concept is really great, we found out quickly that a nanny share is not so easy to set up. First there's the matter of which to find first, the family or the nanny. We initially met with several other families, but we realized that that was a little like putting the carriage in front of the horse, because what was most important to us was finding a good nanny. We decided that we would really like to have a Mandarin-speaking nanny so that Ruby can have some Mandarin immersion on a regular basis. While Steve and I do speak some Mandarin, we just can't muster the energy to speak it around Ruby all the time. Finding a Mandarin-speaking nanny was not as easy as I thought it would be, even in a city with so many Chinese people. Perhaps if we took out an ad in Chinatown or a Chinese newspaper we would have gotten a lot more leads, but I really felt more comfortable finding a nanny through a recommendation by another Golden Gate Mothers Group mom.

In the end, we only interviewed two nannies, and we decided on the first one. Our nanny is originally from Beijing, so her Mandarin is very easy for us to understand. She has about 9 years of nanny experience around the Bay Area with 3 different families. She has an 8-year-old daughter as well as a 22-year-old son who lives in China. Even though she had impeccable references and a great deal of knowledge about infants, I still had a lot of anxiety about entrusting Ruby to her care. The reality is that I would have had a lot of anxiety leaving Ruby with anyone, even if I found the Number One Mary Poppins Champion of the World Nanny.

I stayed at home for the nanny's first day to show her where everything was in the house and to teach her a bit about Ruby's habits and cues. The next day I went to work half of the day and called once to check in. By the nanny's second week, I stopped calling to check in so as to not be overbearing.

Ruby adjusted to the nanny much more easily than I did, and she has pretty much had no problems at all. So far, as nannies go, I feel like ours is pretty close to exactly what I was looking for. She plays with the baby and talks and sings to her in Chinese. Ruby seems to be able to take much longer naps when she's with the nanny, perhaps because she is tired out from being stimulated and active. She is quite fastidious; she's always careful not to jostle the baby too much right after she eats, and she makes sure the baby doesn't catch too much of a draft when they go on their afternoon walk. She's very communicative; she relays to me in great detail everything that happened during the day, including the exact times when the baby ate and napped, when she was fussy, and how many times she pooped. She is also quite laid-back for a middle-aged Chinese woman. When Ruby went through a green poop phase a couple of weeks ago, the nanny was the first to reassure us that it was normal and nothing to worry about.

Of course when most people envision the "ideal nanny," they think of someone who "loves the baby like their own child." If you were to ask me if our nanny loves our baby, then I would say the honest answer is no. Maybe there do exist nannies who truly love the children they care for during the day, but in my opinion, I don't think you should expect that the person you pay to look after your child will love her the same way you do. I think once I came to terms with that, I realized that our nanny is just about as close to the ideal nanny as one could get.

The process of finding a family to share our nanny with has also been more difficult than I imagined. Although there are many families looking for nanny shares, finding one that lives in a convenient location, works similar hours, and prefers a Mandarin-speaking nanny is not so easy. The search is still on-going, but we're currently speaking with a family that has a newborn baby boy who might join our nanny share in January.

One thing I've learned is that you can never start your childcare search too early in San Francisco. That's why next week Steve and I are going to attend the city's Preschool Preview Night in preparation for Ruby's enrollment in Fall of 2012. I hear from some other parents that we may already be too late ...

Playgroups

One of the aspects of parenthood that I was most anxious about was the potential social isolation. Although Steve and I have a few friends who have kids, the vast majority of our friends are not even close to thinking about it. Previously whenever I've entered into a new life situation, like college or grad school, there was always an orientation of some kind involving handshakes, a picnic, and bonding over shared apprehension of the challenges ahead. I really wanted there to be a similar orientation for parenthood.

Fortunately, there is a bastion of wisdom and kinship for San Francisco mothers known as the Golden Gate Mothers Group. When I first heard about the group, I figured it was good resource for finding out about baby-related events and activities around the city. Little did I know of the power and formidability of this group and how it would be the first place I look to for advice on all things baby. My one regret is that I did not join the group earlier. For the first 6 weeks after Ruby was born, I was so overwhelmed by all of the issues we were dealing with that I could not think to join a mothers group. However, I have now read tons of accounts from other moms who went through very similar experiences, and I realize that I could have had a valuable support system instead of feeling like I was the only one going through such things. In any case, the GGMG has become my number one resource for childcare, parenting advice, and connecting with other new moms.

One of the best features of the group is that they organize playgroups for moms based on the age of their child. Playgroups are formed every other month, and they are assigned based on whether the mom works or stays at home. Unfortunately, I just missed the July playgroups forming meeting, so I had to wait until September. Since I was already back to work by that time, I signed up for a working moms playgroup. To join the playgroup, you have to attend the playgroup forming meeting held at a large cathedral downtown, where you meet all of the other moms in your group. I was very excited to attend and to finally have my parenthood orientation.

While I'm happy to report that the other moms in the group are very nice, and Ruby met many other babies born within just a few days of her, I have to say that I did feel I stuck out a bit in the group. Although I shouldn't have been too surprised because it probably reflects the general demographics of the GGMG, the other moms in my playgroup were significantly older (I would say at least 10-15 years older than me), they all seemed to live in either the Marina or Pacific Heights (the most affluent neighborhoods in the city), and they were all quite (prepare for politcal incorrectness) "WASP-y". I'm not sure what I seemed like to them (maybe an Asian Jaimie Lynn Spears?), but I definitely felt a little bit awkward at first. Since our first meeting, we've all gone to a Play and Learn class at Gymboree together, and I feel like I get along with them fine. I think in the end, regardless of extraneous differences in background, there are always things to talk about with other mothers.

Because everyone in the group is working and seemingly very busy, we are only going to meet a couple times a month on the weekends. Since I was really hoping that the playgroup was going to be my ticket out of social isolation, I wanted to be a part of a more active playgroup that met more regularly. Therefore, I also joined a non-working moms playgroup that meets during the week. Since my schedule at lab is pretty flexible, I figure I can get out early every once in a while and go to the meetings. So far I've been to two meetings with the non-working moms group. They definitely seem a lot more eager to meet, and the attendance is much higher than that of the working moms group.

The non-working moms group has been a lot more like how I pictured a playgroup to be. Each week a different person hosts at their house, and we all sit around in a circle with our babies and share mommy experiences. It's a really great way to see how other babies behave and to hear about other mothers' habits and routines. Just in our playgroup alone, there are two other mothers who have had the same problems with breastfeeding that we've had, which is really amazing considering at the time, I thought I was the only one in the world. I've also noticed that Ruby loves being around other babies. Sometimes she is so excited and distracted that she forgets that she is hungry. And how many things are better than a room full of squishy babies?



In addition to the two formal playgroups, I'm also trying to schedule as many playdates as I can with people we've met through GGMG. Ruby has actually had a playdate with the little boy whom we donate breastmilk to. He is super cute, and just 3 days older than Ruby. His parents and I have already begun arrangements for their future marriage. I'm also trying to start up playdates with mommies and babies in our neighborhood just to keep our schedule full. Parenting is definitely not something to be done in isolation, and if I'm going to walk around with spit up down my shirt and smelling like milk all the time, it's at least nice to have a group of people who don't care.

Ruby's success

Today Ruby successfully grasped for the first time! For some time now she has been waving her arms in the general direction of dangling objects, but today she made the connection. This morning she grabbed onto the parrot in her Gymini Playmat and tried to put him in her mouth.



Then, during dinner, we suddenly heard the music turn on in her Think Pink Bouncer. Ruby had pulled the flower all by herself!



Yay fine motor control!

Laugh, laugh, laugh, spit up on Mommy

Success

I successfully fit into a pair of pre-maternity shorts today. They are khaki bermuda shorts from Abercrombie, very ubiquitous, and I was very much looking forward to being able to wear them again. Here is the chronicle of my journey back into the shorts:

Attempt #1: Aborted - held them up to myself, realized there was no point to try them on.

Attempt #2: Tried on, no way in hell they would button up.

Attempt #3: Almost able to button up.

Attempt #4: Could button up, but with great difficulty/discomfort.

Attempt #5: Buttoned up with only mild discomfort - SUCCESS!

100 days

Today Ruby turned 100 days old. This is considered to be a major milestone in Chinese culture and is celebrated much like a birthday. We took some pictures to commemorate the occasion, and here are some highlights:

















And for historical reference ...

Shuyi at 100 days:



Steve at 100 days:



Why Steve looks like baby in drag I cannot say.

3 months old

Labor Day marked the 3 month-iversary of my own day of labor. I know I've said this before, but it has not ceased to amaze me how quickly time has passed since Ruby was born. I still clearly remember counting down the days of my first trimester and thinking that my due date seemed lightyears away. Now our baby is 3 months old.

Although 3 months is an insignificant amount of time for most of us, it has made an enormous difference for Ruby. I now can hardly recognize newborn Ruby as the baby I know today. Are these both Ruby???





At three months, we have officially entered the Easiest Period of Parenting. From what I've heard, this lasts from about 3 months old to 7 months old. It's after all of the kinks of parenting a newborn have been worked out, but before the worries of crawling and walking (and way before the worries of driving and dating) kick in.

Even though Ruby has always been a relatively happy and mellow baby, she is now happier and mellower than ever. She is constantly cooing, grinning, and giggling with the purest glee I have ever known. Here she is, telling her grandpa a joke.



At 3 months old, Ruby is also getting more and more interesting, as she is figuring out more about the world and learning to do more stuff. She has recently become more aware of her hands and the fact that she has dominion over them. Whereas before she would give her fist a few sucks if it happened to pass by the vicinity of her mouth, she now is able to pacify herself for quite some time by holding her hand to her mouth and sucking on it with vigor.



She is also now able to sit up when propped up against something soft.



However, she's not able to sustain this position for very long.



Ruby is also now able to bear some weight on her legs, and she likes to be stood up with some assistance.



She is getting better at lifting her head when she is on her tummy time wedge.



However, she still does not enjoy regular tummy time on the floor.



Three months also marks the end of my maternity leave, and I have started going back into lab this week. Steve is taking a couple of weeks off from work in order to facilitate the transition. Although the thought of leaving Ruby every day still makes me want to fall to the ground and weep, I know in my head that she has gotten to a point where she is much more prepared than I to make this transition. She is finally 100% recovered from the surgery, and we have resolved our issues with breastfeeding. Despite this, if it were not for the 4 years I've already put towards a PhD, if I just had a regular job instead, I'm not sure I would be going back at all. I guess it will be interesting to see what I decide to do after the next baby ...