In the past few months, what's become more and more apparent is Ruby's attachment to me and her growing anxiety about being separated or losing sight of me. Even as young as 3 months old, there was a sense that Ruby preferred to be held by me in the evenings when she reached her fussy hour. However, more recently it's become a challenge to peel her off of me at any time of day. Whenever there is even the hint that someone is coming to take her away from me, she engages her death grip on my arm and buries her face in my neck. She will then oftentimes use her free hand to swat away the other party while making pitiful-sounding verbal protests. Even more pitiful is the actual exchange to the other person, as Ruby tries to use both hands and feet to hang onto my clothes all the while shrieking and making the sad scrunchy face.
This kind of co-dependent behavior is quite a departure from Ruby's behavior as a newborn. Back then, one of my biggest new mommy fears was that Ruby would be so independent that she and I would not be close. This was because as a newborn, Ruby barely needed me at all. She slept all the time, so she never needed me to rock her to sleep or hold her. She couldn't breastfeed, so Steve bottle-fed her while I pumped. I used to hold her while she slept, not because she needed me to, but because I missed holding her and hoped that she would become more attached to me. I guess my strategy worked a bit too well!
Even though there are some inconveniences to this attachment phase (for instance, I have taken to washing my hands one hand at a time rather than deal with the drama of putting her down), I am also savoring every minute. I fully realize that this will be the last time in Ruby's life that she will think I am perfect.
