Furniture shuffling

When we first moved into our apartment almost four years ago, I don't think either of us really thought that we'd one day have to make space here for nursery furniture. For a while, we thought we'd probably live here for a year or two then move closer to mission bay once Shuyi stopped having classes at Parnassus. Then we thought maybe we'd buy a condo in the city before having kids. Well, with the rapid rise in rents a few years ago, the crazy real estate market and stock market crash the last year, we just couldn't give up the really good deal we have on our current place. Our rent has only increased $25 over the last 4 years and is probably now cheaper than a lot of 1-bedroom apartments around here with half the space.

Anyway, our second bedroom has always been our office. Neither bedroom is especially large, which is pretty typical of older places (they tend to have bigger living room/dining rooms, but smaller bedrooms, bathrooms and kitchens). With a couple of computer desks, a bookshelf, and a futon, our office was fully packed. In order to fit a crib in there, we'd definitely have to get rid of our futon. That was not terribly difficult as we sold it just one day after posting on craigslist.

In place of the futon, we now have our crib and a dresser for baby clothes. We're getting a changing table as well, but the one we like is on backorder so we'll have to wait another month for it. So over the last few weeks, I had been tasked with putting together the crib and the dresser.



Although relatively simple, the size of the crib made it slightly unwieldy to put together and so that took a bit longer than I had anticipated, but aside from the fact that there was a part missing for the crib drawer, it came together without much of a hitch.



The dresser was a bit tougher. While the instructions were pretty simple and intuitive, the number of screws (150+ by my count) and nails required made this task quite time consuming. The instruction booklet specifies how long each step should take. Personally, I thought those estimates were quite optimistic. For example, each drawer was supposed to take about 5 minute. I've never claimed to be a handyman, but the last few drawers still took me almost 15 minutes each. Granted, I didn't have all the tools that could have made the job faster, but still, those time estimates certainly made more feel even less handy than I believe myself to be. But alas, it's all done now and it will be a few years before I have to build any tree houses. (Which I'm hoping will be out of vogue as I'm not confident I could build one that is structurally sound.)

34 weeks

I'm 34 weeks this week, only about a month left to go! I'm getting a lot of comments of the "Woah, you look really pregnant" variety. A lot of people have also noted that I'm carrying the baby really low, so it seems likes she's "dropped" (which is a sign of impending labor), but I think that I've always carried the baby low. I've never had the symptoms of carrying the baby high like acid reflux or shortness of breath, but I already have the symptoms of carrying a dropped baby like bladder pressure and things like that. Then there are others who reject the notion that the baby is really a girl due to my tummy looking like it's a boy. Well, they better not be wrong about the baby being a girl because everything we have is pink!

We had our last childbirth class this week. I was sort of sad that the series was over because this means that we're supposed to be childbirth experts now, and I still don't really feel ready for the experience. Stay in there, baby. We don't have the hospital bags packed yet.

Warm weather

It was like 80 degrees in the city today, so we went on a hike in Pacifica.

After we got back I made dinner, and I think I spent a little too long in front of the stove because afterwards I felt really over-heated. This weather is really beautiful and all, but I'm glad it pretty much never gets any warmer than this because being hot and pregnant is not very comfortable. Plus I would have had to spend way more on maternity clothes if I had to accomodate all different seasons, rather than just the standard San Francisco fog vs. no fog.

My amazing expanding uterus

Ever since the end of my first trimester, I've been taking pictures of my tummy every week to document its growth. Here is the round-up so far up to 33 weeks.

12 weeks:

13 weeks:

14 weeks:

15 weeks:

16 weeks:

17 weeks:

18 weeks:

19 weeks:

20 weeks:

21 weeks:

22 weeks:

23 weeks:

24 weeks:

25 weeks:

26 weeks:

27 weeks:

28 weeks:

29 weeks:

30 weeks:

31 weeks:

32 weeks:

33 weeks:

This next month is supposed to be a period of rapid growth for the fetus. Oh dear ...

Stroller

It's fortunate that human gestation is as long as it is (although I have learned that it's actually approximately 38 weeks rather than 40 weeks because the 40 weeks would be counting from the end of the woman's last period, not the time of conception, which varies a lot but is usually 2 weeks later). Anyway, I digress. I guess I have a tendency to do that, perhaps for the same reason of why I space out and start caressing the chin instead of the cheek. (see Shuyi's last post) I will have to focus to make sure this habit doesn't result in serious injury to my children in the future :-/

So as I was saying, it's fortunate that pregnancy is that long because it does take quite some time to prepare. First, of course, is to coming to grips with it mentally and emotionally. Having your first child is practically the definition of a life changing event. Many people think that getting married would be another example. However, in my experience, as well as that of my of our friends, after the initial stress, frenzy, and excitement of the planning, wedding, and honeymoon is over, comes the realization that nothing much has changed. We still went to same job, school, hung out with the same friends, and did exactly the same things that we did before getting married. In the old days, at least living together for the first time represented a major life change. These days, most couples move in together long before the wedding.

After coming to grips with the initial worries of "will I be a good parent?", more practical worries surface. How are we gonna fit a crib, dresser, rocker, and all that other baby stuff in our already packed apartment? What are all the random stuff we should get anyways? Since parenting is a near universal experience, lack of information isn't really a problem. The overwhelming amount of advice available is more difficult handle. As we are both scientists, there's a natural tendency to do as much research as possible about any important decision, and parents are faced with many decisions from well before the time the baby is actually born.

The first task we decided to take on was to select a stroller. There's so many options out there it's pretty much like buying a car. In fact, the stroller we ended up getting was almost the same price as the first car that my dad bought 20 years ago. (Granted, the car was about 10 yrs old when he purchased it. As a poor grad student, his options were limited.) For us, price was important but not a huge factor. We've temporarily given up on finding a house to buy in the crazy sf real estate market (it's down maybe 20% from the peak, but it's still ridiculously expensive). Plus, saving a few hundred dollars here or there doesn't matter much if you need well into the six figures just for a down payment on a small condo. I've always been of the philosophy that money isn't worth anything until you spend it. It's the goods and services that are purchased that offer practical benefits. Basically, I see no point in being overly miserly if not necessary. I guess some people derive enjoyment out of penny pinching; I'm certainly not of them. Doh, I went off on a tangent again. Perhaps it's just the "absent-minded professor" syndrome.

Anyway, the first stroller we researched was the ubiquitous bugaboo cameleon.

It's definitely been the luxury stroller du jour the last few years. Basically, it's ultra adjustable and stylish (although I guess that's subjective). The main cons are that 1) it's extremely common and almost more status symbol than stroller 2) it didn't seem that simple or intuitive to fold, and 3) it's $900. Now, I don't think $900 is all that bad given that people often pay more for clothes/shoes/accessories that they rarely wear. The main disadvantage for us was that you have to take the seat off to fold it. With that restriction on our mind, the next stroller we seriously considered was the Quinny Buzz.

It's the only stroller that has hydraulics that allow you to just tap to unfold it. What Shuyi liked the most about it was that she found the stroller (and the compatible maxi-cosi carseat) the cutest of all the ones we looked at. So a few months ago, we went to Giggle, an upscale baby store chain with a location in the Marina, to test it out. Unfortunately, we found that it wasn't quite as easy to fold as you'd think from looking at the promotional videos.

Shuyi also remembered that there was a stroller that someone from her lab had showed her a few months before that had been featured on an episode of The Office, but she didn't remember the name of it. We eventually figured out that it was the Orbit stroller.



We went to see it in person and found it pretty well designed and put together. On the downside, it also does not fold with the seat on, and it was even more expensive than the bugaboo. (It's nominally also $900, but that doesn't include a toddler seat, although it does include a car seat which most other strollers don't include. But if you add what it would cost for everything, it was definitely the most expensive option). Despite all that, we did seriously consider it because of the ability for the seat to face any direction (most face forward only and some backwards too), and for how sturdy the carseat and base seemed to be.

So although we had many options, none really stood out as being perfect. We weren't in a rush or anything, which only made making a decision more difficult. Ultimately, we ended up with the Micralite Toro. It was the #1 rated luxury stroller according to consumer reports and relatively inexpensive at ~$500. However, according to the manufacturer's website, the only place close to us that carried it was a store in Oakland that was open by appointment only. Therefore, we hadn't seriously considered it in the beginning. But, it just so happened that when we went to Lullaby Lanes (in San Bruno) to look at other baby stuff, they had a Toro on display that was given to them at a trade show. It wasn't something that they usually carried. The feature that we liked the most of this stroller was that it folded easily, with the seat still attached, and best of all, stands up on its own when folded. Alright, well Shuyi says this post is getting way too long and boring and no one will probably read it, so I'll just finish it off with a picture instead of another thousand words.

Childbirth class

In the last few weeks Steve and I have been taking baby classes through the UCSF Women's Health Resource Center. This week we took a class on breastfeeding and the second in the series of 4 childbirth classes. All the classes are pretty hippy dippy, obviously geared towards bay area parents, but also quite helpful and informative.

At our first childbirth class, we did an ice-breaker activity where the mothers and fathers were split up, and each group was to come up with a list of things that have changed since becoming pregnant. I felt a little bad because I didn't contribute much to the conversation, but it seemed like the experiences of the other women were in many cases quite opposite to mine. As is the case for many first-time mothers at UCSF and the bay-area in general, the women in the class are on average about 10 years older than me. Much of the conversation centered around physical discomforts and issues with not being able to do a lot of the day-to-day activities they used to do before pregnancy. Some of the women just looked really physically encumbered, and they spoke of problems such as shortness of breath, heartburn, not getting any sleep, and total lack of energy. One of the women was literally falling asleep during the conversation. Any complaints that I have about being pregnant really seemed trivial compared to the others, and up to now, I'm still pretty much doing all the day-to-day things I did before pregnancy.

One of the other complaints of many of the women was how often they had to see the doctor and how many medical tests they had to take. One of the women in the class is 42 and has high blood pressure, so she has to see the doctor 2-3 times a week! For us, Steve and I have been surprised at how little contact we've had with doctors. We usually have our routine appointments with a midwife who spends about 10 minutes with us (sometimes after an hour in the waiting room). For my last appointment there were no midwives available, so I saw an attending doctor, and she was in and out of there in 3 minutes flat. I've never seen a person move and talk so fast before. Ultimately I feel like all of our appointments can pretty much be whittled down to the exchange of a cup of pee.

I guess the whole exercise made me appreciate more how differently your body responds to pregnancy when you're younger, but at the same time how it would be nice if I had more peers in the same life situation. When the men were called back to share their list of issues with the wives, it turned out that the one that had come up the most was sex during pregnancy. Interestingly, that issue did not even come close to being brought up by the women.

During the class this week we discussed how to prepare for labor and techniques to help the mother be more relaxed and comfortable. It turns out the labor can be broken down into 4 stages: early labor, active labor, transition, and pushing. Early labor is by far the longest stage and is meant to occur at home. The hospital will generally not admit you until you are a couple of hours into active labor, when the contractions are stronger and closer together. The class instructor, who is exactly how one would picture a hippy Berkeley doula to be, was making a list of good foods to eat during early labor. She was listing pasta, and steamed veggies, and toast, and then she looked at me and Steve and said, "Oh, and rice porridge!"

At the end of the class, we did a relaxation exercise where the women were lying on the floor, and the partners were instructed to touch our leg or arm or etc. so that we could relax that part of our body. Unfortunately, Steve has problems with following simple instructions because he says he tends to "space out." So when the partners were instructed to gently caress their wives' cheek, Steve started to caress my chin because he thought that she had said chin. This gave me a case of the giggles, which was very embarrassing because everyone else was quietly caressing each others' cheeks. However, as always, the more inappropriate the situation, the more I couldn't stop. Why would anyone tell you to caress someone else's chin??

Family in town

Last weekend my mom, aunt, and grandmother came to visit. My grandmother had been staying with my parents in Philadelphia for the past 9 months. It was her first time in the U.S., her first time seeing the home where I grew up, and the first time in over 20 years that she and my mom got to spend more than a few weeks of continuous time together. She decided to go back to China for a bit because she knew that my mom wanted to come out here for a while after the baby is born, and she didn't want my mom to have to take care of all of us at the same time. My grandmother was very excited to have four generations all in the same place, even though one of them is still in my tummy.


While they were visiting, my mom had her birthday, so I baked her a ginger bundt cake.

She's 53, but people keep saying she looks like she's in her 30s and that we look like we could be sisters. They also say that my grandmother and my mom look like they could be sisters. I guess that means my grandmother and I could be sisters.

Here we are sending my grandmother and aunt off back to China.

Moving around at 31 weeks

Watch closely at 0:02, 0:15, 0:27, and 0:52.

Baby

Hi everyone! As you all know, Steve and I are expecting our first baby on June 3rd. This means I am almost 32 weeks pregnant and feeling quite large. With only 8 weeks to go, we are getting very excited.



However, as first time parents who have never had any siblings, babysitting experience, or so much as a pet, there is also apprehension.



Let me start at the beginning ...

Steve and I found out we were pregnant at the end of September. We had just returned from visiting my parents and grandmother on the East Coast, a visit wherein we were asked about our plans for a baby at least few times (I sneakily said we had no real plans). At that point, I really didn't think I was pregnant. For one, I read that many women experience symptoms of pregnancy immediately, and I had none. And two, I just thought it would be harder to get pregnant, what with the arduous trek of the little sperm and small window of opportunity that we all hear about. (A warning to the girls - it's not as hard as you might think!)

The only reason I decided to take a home pregnancy test was because I had a dentist appointment a couple days later where I was supposed to get a filling, and I had read that it is best to avoid dental procedures during the first trimester. So just to be safe, I took a First Response test and saw the two lines forming almost immediately after peeing. I still just couldn't believe it, so like any UCSF-trained scientist, I made Steve do a negative control.

Still unconvinced (I didn't have a positive control after all), we ran over to the local Walgreens (just like in the movies) and got two other brands of home pregnancy tests. They were all positive, and for those who are interested, I would recommend the First Response test, followed by Clear Blue Easy, but not E.P.T.

So I was pregnant! We were so excited and also a little weirded out by the concept. I didn't feel any symptoms for several weeks after finding out, and even then, the symptoms were mostly mild. I had very little nausea, mostly just fatigue and some tummy-aches. By far the hardest part of the first trimester for me was the worrying. It was just all the statistics on the frequency of miscarriage even for couples with no apparent risk factors or health problems. Also, in the first trimester there is no obvious indication of whether the baby is ok or not. You can't feel anything in there, you don't look any different, and for me, I didn't even have many obvious symptoms. The second hardest part for me was not being able to tell anyone about it. We decided to wait until after the first trimester, when the risk of miscarriage drops significantly, to tell our family and friends. Therefore, I spent a couple of months mustering up the energy to go to social events, pretending my cranberry juice had vodka in it, and having the following conversation:

Friend: So what's new with you?

Shuyi: Not much!

Because it was really hard to think of anything ELSE new with me.

We finally saw a doctor for the first time when I was 8 weeks pregnant, 4 weeks after we found out. This was when we saw the baby's heartbeat for the first time, which was probably the best moment of my otherwise simple life.

We broke the news to our parents on Thanksgiving by showing them this 8-week ultrasound picture. There was much joy, and shock in some cases. Here I am 13 weeks pregnant on Thanksgiving (still thin!)

Ever since the start of the second trimester, things have pretty much been smooth sailing. We went to the East Coast for the holidays, where we received excessive amounts of baby-related gifts (and gave some as well to the soon-to-be grandparents).

At around 19 weeks, I started to feel the baby move. At that stage, it was very difficult to differentiate between baby and gas, but I would feel light fluttering around the same time every day. Being able to feel the baby move is a constant affirmation that things are ok in there, and it's made me feel much better and less worried.

At 20 weeks, we had our anatomy scan, where we found out we're having a little girl.

For some reason, more people had guessed that we were going to have a boy, but more people were hoping that we would have a girl, so there was much rejoicing at the news. Steve and I really didn't have a preference either way. As long as they found one healthy human child in there, we were very happy.

Since then, the baby has been growing rapidly and kicking more and more vigorously. We've spent much of our time learning about all the various baby widgets and gadgets and preparing for life with baby (more on all this later). These days, I'm still pretty much carrying on as normal, except I eat everything in sight. Steve out of solidarity is following suit and has experienced almost every pregnancy-related symptom along with me.

We hope that writing this blog will help keep family and friends up to date on our new little family. Thanks for all the advice and concern so far!