When we first entered the San Francisco preschool scene a good year and a half ago, I found the process to be bewildering, overwhelming, and ridiculous. I could not understand why it was so difficult, so cut-throat, so complicated to send your child somewhere so they could fingerpaint and eat paste. I didn't understand how one school could be so much different from the next that its "large goup orientation" is booked up months in advance. And I certainly did not understand why essays and interviews would be required in preschool applications!
Now that we are in the weeds of it, these things have all become much more clear to me, and I find myself writing admissions essays rather than my thesis, checking the word count to make sure I don't pass the limit. I have realized that there are many things I misunderstood back when we first started thinking about preschools.
Common misconceptions:
1) The earlier you apply the better.
Although there are some schools in the city that are first come first serve and it would therefore benefit you to put your child on the waitlist at the moment of conception, most schools, including almost all of the most "prestigious" schools do not take into account when your application was received. In fact, many schools do not even accept inquiries or allow you to schedule a tour until the year that your child is eligible to enroll in the school.
If these schools do not take into account how early your application is received, then what criteria do they use to determine admission? Well, it is all about how good of a "fit" your child is in their school. This could mean that she is the right gender and the right age to fill the openings that are available. It could mean that she has the right temperament and disposition to create a good mix of personalities in the class. An important component of being a good fit means that the parents share in the school's philosophies regarding child development, learning techniques, discipline, etc. Unfortunately, oftentimes being a good fit also means having the proper connections to the school through other parents, administrators, or a willingness to donate time/money.
2) All preschools are more or less the same.
When we started out looking for preschools, I assumed that we would apply to all the ones within walking distance from our house and attend whichever we got into. However, once we started touring schools, I realized that every school was quite different from the other, and there were some schools that were obviously not a good fit and not even worth applying to.
I am also beginning to understand why certain "elite" preschools are so coveted and why there is a line going out the door of parents waiting to pay ridiculous amounts in tuition to send their children. In general, "elite" preschools are 1) established - they have been around for decades and have built a trusted reputation; 2) able to hire the highest quality staff - at some places, all of the teachers have graduate degrees in early childhood education/psychology, and there is a clear emphasis on fostering child development; 3) connected to "elite" private elementary schools - there is a good amount of evidence, although never openly admitted, that children attending these elite preschools have a better chance at being accepted to the city's elite private K-8's.
3) Parents who fight to get their kids into prestigious preschools are all crazies who think that that's the only way their kids will go to Harvard.
After learning more about the preschool and the Even More Insane elementary school admissions process in San Francisco, I've come to realize that parents who care about their child getting into a good private school are not necessarily Ivy league-fanatic, helicopter parents. In some cases, they are just people who want to continue to live in the city.
The public school situation in San Francisco is far from ideal. There are only a handful of decent elementary schools in the city, all of which are extremely oversubscribed with demand outstripping availability at a ratio of up to 20:1. Before this year, public school enrollment was based entirely on lottery, so the chances of getting into a decent school, even if you lived down the street from one, was slim to none. Starting this year, the system has changed to favor those who live in a particular school's arbitrarily drawn "attendance area." However, several other criteria trump this one, so unless you live in the attendance area of a school that is decent but "under the radar" (which very fortunately we do), there may still be only a small chance you will be enrolled in your neighborhood public school.
For the vast majority of San Francisco families who live in the attendance area of either a run-down school or a school so popular that it is already filled by families with higher priority, their only options are to pay for private school or to move out of the city. From what I understand, private non-religious schools in the city are universally difficult to get into, again due to supply and demand. There are a number of good public school districts outside of the city, but I more than anyone can understand how much it would suck to have to move to the suburbs. And in a situation like ours where we are investing so much into a house that was recently purchased, it could present a large financial burden to uproot and entire family and move. Therefore, I get why for some families, getting into either a "feeder" preschool or a pre-K affiliated with a private K-8 is of the utmost importance.
As I mentioned, our neighborhood school, George Peabody Elementary, is a small, "off-the-radar" school with great reviews and ratings. I know nothing of it first-hand, but I am pinning my hopes on loving the school and being admitted there. Unless the system significantly changes in the next couple of years, it is our only shot of attending public elementary school. And if that option falls through, I may find myself desperately running the private school circuit just like all those parents I've scoffed at in the past. It just goes to show that there is no room for judgement in parenthood.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Hugs and Kisses
Over the last few months, Ruby has gotten much more generous with her hugs and kisses. Whereas a few months ago the only one of her little friends Ruby would hug was share care buddy Ian, she now offers hugs and kisses when prompted to several select friends. Granted it still takes her several hours to size the person up before she is comfortable offering a hug or a kiss. However, oftentimes by the end of a playdate she is willing to oblige.
Her most huggable friend is still little buddy Ian. Ian is a hugging fiend, and he often hugs Ruby with such enthusiasm that it literally knocks her off her feet. Even though at times his advances send her running in the opposite direction, Ruby appreciates that Ian is always there with a hug when she needs one.
Ruby's friend Eva is also a big hugger and loves to hug Ruby.
Most of the time Ruby is happy to be the hug recipient, but she has gotten close enough to Eva to offer her a hug as well.
A few weeks ago Ruby had a playdate with her friend Dylan. Dylan is an older man because he is already 2. They first met when they were both in utero, making Dylan one of Ruby's oldest friends. They already shared a smooch at Ruby's first birthday party, although it was somewhat coerced.
This time it was Ruby who made the first move.
In addition to her little friends, Ruby also likes to give hugs and kisses to her grandparents. However, she wonders why they feel so hard and thin.
Ruby's favorite person to hug is herself. In the end even she cannot resist her own cuteness.
Her most huggable friend is still little buddy Ian. Ian is a hugging fiend, and he often hugs Ruby with such enthusiasm that it literally knocks her off her feet. Even though at times his advances send her running in the opposite direction, Ruby appreciates that Ian is always there with a hug when she needs one.
Ruby's friend Eva is also a big hugger and loves to hug Ruby.
Most of the time Ruby is happy to be the hug recipient, but she has gotten close enough to Eva to offer her a hug as well.
A few weeks ago Ruby had a playdate with her friend Dylan. Dylan is an older man because he is already 2. They first met when they were both in utero, making Dylan one of Ruby's oldest friends. They already shared a smooch at Ruby's first birthday party, although it was somewhat coerced.
This time it was Ruby who made the first move.
In addition to her little friends, Ruby also likes to give hugs and kisses to her grandparents. However, she wonders why they feel so hard and thin.
Ruby's favorite person to hug is herself. In the end even she cannot resist her own cuteness.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
The amazing Rubini
Our little Ruby is now 21 months old, and as much as I hate to admit it, much more like a little person than a baby.
Ruby appears to have undergone a burst of development over the last couple of months, and she now seems much more grown up than at the beginning of the year. Even though many of her new milestones and abilities are typical for a toddler of her age, I never cease to be AMAZED when Ruby learns to do something new. Perhaps it's because I've known her since she was one cell, but I am constantly shocked that what once was little kicks in a belly is now a kid sitting next to me eating a banana.
In the last couple of months, the list of words Ruby can say has grown too long to record as she is now repeating everything she hears. The other day, share care buddy Ian was running around in circles like a chicken with its head cut off as per usual, and the nanny exclaimed "Ta xiang feng le yi yang!" (He seems like he's gone crazy!) And Ruby piped up with "xiang feng le yi yang!"
Another major verbal breakthrough was when she began to put words together into phrases. So now she will say, "Bye-bye Da-da!" and "Ma-ma bao bao" (Ma-ma pick me up). Today the nanny went to the bathroom, and Ruby said "A-yi got peepee?" (A-yi is the Chinese term for nanny/auntie).
What's cute is she will still sometimes use sign language, but more for emphasis. For instance, if she requires assistance, she will shout, "Hap! Hap!" while making the sign for "help." The other day she came up to me with her dolly and said, "Hap, hap, wa-wa!" It turned out she wanted me to help buckle her dolly (wa-wa in Chinese) into the swing so that she could rock her to sleep.
Ruby has also become a great help around the house. In fact, she is now in charge of the household laundry, although sometimes she requires "hap."
It is really amazing how much can be absorbed and remembered at this age. Somewhere along the line, Ruby learned to count to 10 in both Chinese and English! This has been extremely difficult to capture on video because she does it spontaneously and then is too interested in trying to grab the camera once it comes out to do it again. However, we have finally been able to record the Chinese version.
Subtitle: yi, ar, san, si, wu, liu, qi, ba, jiu, shi!
Despite all of this growth and maturity, Ruby has yet to grow out of her sweet baby phase. I know I shouldn't jinx it by saying (writing) it out loud, but she has yet to throw a real tantrum or even exhibit any fussy behavior on a regular basis. Most days she is happy from sun up to sun down. She wakes up chatting and singing and spends the day dancing and giggling. I know I've felt this way before, but this really is the BEST phase of her life so far. Every day is surprising and hilarious and achingly adorable. I feel like I want to roll around in this phase and swish it around in my mouth so I can savor every last drop of it because I know that it's not possible for her entire childhood to be this easy. It's funny that I'm always wishing for her to stay the same, but then it's the changes that amaze me.
Ruby appears to have undergone a burst of development over the last couple of months, and she now seems much more grown up than at the beginning of the year. Even though many of her new milestones and abilities are typical for a toddler of her age, I never cease to be AMAZED when Ruby learns to do something new. Perhaps it's because I've known her since she was one cell, but I am constantly shocked that what once was little kicks in a belly is now a kid sitting next to me eating a banana.
In the last couple of months, the list of words Ruby can say has grown too long to record as she is now repeating everything she hears. The other day, share care buddy Ian was running around in circles like a chicken with its head cut off as per usual, and the nanny exclaimed "Ta xiang feng le yi yang!" (He seems like he's gone crazy!) And Ruby piped up with "xiang feng le yi yang!"
Another major verbal breakthrough was when she began to put words together into phrases. So now she will say, "Bye-bye Da-da!" and "Ma-ma bao bao" (Ma-ma pick me up). Today the nanny went to the bathroom, and Ruby said "A-yi got peepee?" (A-yi is the Chinese term for nanny/auntie).
What's cute is she will still sometimes use sign language, but more for emphasis. For instance, if she requires assistance, she will shout, "Hap! Hap!" while making the sign for "help." The other day she came up to me with her dolly and said, "Hap, hap, wa-wa!" It turned out she wanted me to help buckle her dolly (wa-wa in Chinese) into the swing so that she could rock her to sleep.
Ruby has also become a great help around the house. In fact, she is now in charge of the household laundry, although sometimes she requires "hap."
It is really amazing how much can be absorbed and remembered at this age. Somewhere along the line, Ruby learned to count to 10 in both Chinese and English! This has been extremely difficult to capture on video because she does it spontaneously and then is too interested in trying to grab the camera once it comes out to do it again. However, we have finally been able to record the Chinese version.
Subtitle: yi, ar, san, si, wu, liu, qi, ba, jiu, shi!
Despite all of this growth and maturity, Ruby has yet to grow out of her sweet baby phase. I know I shouldn't jinx it by saying (writing) it out loud, but she has yet to throw a real tantrum or even exhibit any fussy behavior on a regular basis. Most days she is happy from sun up to sun down. She wakes up chatting and singing and spends the day dancing and giggling. I know I've felt this way before, but this really is the BEST phase of her life so far. Every day is surprising and hilarious and achingly adorable. I feel like I want to roll around in this phase and swish it around in my mouth so I can savor every last drop of it because I know that it's not possible for her entire childhood to be this easy. It's funny that I'm always wishing for her to stay the same, but then it's the changes that amaze me.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Ruby at the Pediatric ER
Today we had our first visit to the Pediatric ER. Even though for some kids it's their home away from home, I did not expect that Ruby would be one of the first of her little friends to have an injury-induced visit to the ER given the extreme caution she exercises in her daily activities.
This morning, the nanny took Ruby to the playground as per usual, although they were sans little buddy Ian because he went to visit his grandma on the East Coast. Around 11:30 I got a call from the nanny saying that Ruby fell down and now she cries anytime someone touches her left arm. I was working from home, so I ran out and met them on the street on their way back. Ruby was sitting in her stroller quietly, but when I tried to hold her left hand, she burst into tears. The nanny said she never saw her take a big fall or get hit by something in her arm. She had been playing in a grassy area and seemed to just crouch down, and then she got upset and came over to the nanny wanting to be picked up. She tried putting her in the swing, but as soon as she moved her arm, she would grimace and start crying.
I called Ruby's pediatrician, and she told us that it was likely something called Nursemaid's elbow, which is basically a dislocation of the elbow that is quite common in young children because their joints and ligaments are still weak. She told us to come into the office and that it was something she could fix quickly. Unfortunately, our pediatrician's office is in Noe Valley, which is about a 20-25 minute drive from our house, and I was quite concerned about putting Ruby into the carseat as she did not want her arm touched whatsoever and even moving it a hair caused her to cry. However, we found out that the Pediatric Emergency Department at California Pacific Medical Center is just down the street from us, no more than a 10 minute walk.
By this point, Ruby was getting a bit more distressed, and she definitely did not want me to put her down, so I carried her from our house to the ER. The Pediatric ER at CPMC is actually quite nice, and we were seen immediately by the doctor. Up until that point, I hadn't even tried to take off Ruby's jacket for fear of disturbing her arm, but the doctor needed to examine it, so we gingerly removed her coat. Her shirt seemed much more of a challenge as it would have to go over her head, so I just had them cut it off. It was sad as it was one of her cutest shirts, but I was too anxious since they couldn't be sure what was wrong yet.
It turned out that our pediatrician was right, and it was a dislocation of the elbow. The doctor had one of the nurses distract Ruby with bubbles, and she popped it right back into place. Within minutes, Ruby's arm was back to normal, and she was moving it around and reaching for things again. We were told that this type of injury most often occurs when young children are picked up or swung by their hands, although in Ruby's case it seems like she may have used her arms to break a fall and landed awkwardly. It is most common in toddlerhood and stops being an issue around 5 years of age as the joints and surrounding tissues have strengthened by that point.
As far as trips to the ER go, ours seems to have been as easy as could be hoped for. Ruby left good as new with no residual side effects. It is amazing how resilient a little kid can be, how quickly she bounced back and spent the rest of the day blowing bubbles and giggling. I, on the other hand, still feel a bit weak in the knees.
This morning, the nanny took Ruby to the playground as per usual, although they were sans little buddy Ian because he went to visit his grandma on the East Coast. Around 11:30 I got a call from the nanny saying that Ruby fell down and now she cries anytime someone touches her left arm. I was working from home, so I ran out and met them on the street on their way back. Ruby was sitting in her stroller quietly, but when I tried to hold her left hand, she burst into tears. The nanny said she never saw her take a big fall or get hit by something in her arm. She had been playing in a grassy area and seemed to just crouch down, and then she got upset and came over to the nanny wanting to be picked up. She tried putting her in the swing, but as soon as she moved her arm, she would grimace and start crying.
I called Ruby's pediatrician, and she told us that it was likely something called Nursemaid's elbow, which is basically a dislocation of the elbow that is quite common in young children because their joints and ligaments are still weak. She told us to come into the office and that it was something she could fix quickly. Unfortunately, our pediatrician's office is in Noe Valley, which is about a 20-25 minute drive from our house, and I was quite concerned about putting Ruby into the carseat as she did not want her arm touched whatsoever and even moving it a hair caused her to cry. However, we found out that the Pediatric Emergency Department at California Pacific Medical Center is just down the street from us, no more than a 10 minute walk.
By this point, Ruby was getting a bit more distressed, and she definitely did not want me to put her down, so I carried her from our house to the ER. The Pediatric ER at CPMC is actually quite nice, and we were seen immediately by the doctor. Up until that point, I hadn't even tried to take off Ruby's jacket for fear of disturbing her arm, but the doctor needed to examine it, so we gingerly removed her coat. Her shirt seemed much more of a challenge as it would have to go over her head, so I just had them cut it off. It was sad as it was one of her cutest shirts, but I was too anxious since they couldn't be sure what was wrong yet.
It turned out that our pediatrician was right, and it was a dislocation of the elbow. The doctor had one of the nurses distract Ruby with bubbles, and she popped it right back into place. Within minutes, Ruby's arm was back to normal, and she was moving it around and reaching for things again. We were told that this type of injury most often occurs when young children are picked up or swung by their hands, although in Ruby's case it seems like she may have used her arms to break a fall and landed awkwardly. It is most common in toddlerhood and stops being an issue around 5 years of age as the joints and surrounding tissues have strengthened by that point.
As far as trips to the ER go, ours seems to have been as easy as could be hoped for. Ruby left good as new with no residual side effects. It is amazing how resilient a little kid can be, how quickly she bounced back and spent the rest of the day blowing bubbles and giggling. I, on the other hand, still feel a bit weak in the knees.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Adventures of Ruby and Eva: Exploratorium!
We had another fun day with Eva yesterday! The forecast said rain, so we decided to go to the Exploratorium, but then it never actually rained, so walked around the Palace of Fine Arts for a bit in raincoats.
Ruby and Eva were very interested in the ducks, swans, and seagulls.
Thanks to Eva's mom Virginie for writing another detailed account of our day on Eva's blog!
Ruby and Eva were very interested in the ducks, swans, and seagulls.
Thanks to Eva's mom Virginie for writing another detailed account of our day on Eva's blog!
Monday, March 14, 2011
Scenes from the weekend
On Saturday, after Ruby's weekly swim class at the Mission Bay pool, we had brunch with a few friends near the Embarcadero. It was a beautiful day, and Ruby enjoyed a leisurely walk outside.
Now that her walking skills have significantly advanced, one of her favorite pastimes is to take a stroll down the street. For a long time after Ruby started walking, she refused to walk when outside, demanding that I and I alone carry her everywhere we went. Now that she has gained considerable confidence in her walking and also become much more resilient to falls, she insists on walking down the street by herself, not even wanting to hold hands unless she is being swung up in the air. She is now a very good walker and can walk quite a long distance on her own with minimal tumbles. However, walking anywhere with Ruby is still a painstakingly slow process that is much more about the journey than the destination. As is likely the case for most toddlers, she is extremely easily distracted and will stop to investigate everything.
Is that a rock on the ground??? Can I fit my finger into that grate? What is this pole for? A bird, a bird!!!
And shop windows or anything she can see her own reflection in, forget it! We once saw a little dog in a shop window getting its toenails clipped, and I didn't think we'd ever make it home.
Anyways, on the way back to the car from brunch, Ruby came upon some flowers and was so pleased she decided to do a little dance.
Sunday was a dreary day, so I took Ruby to the Cal Academy of Sciences. Even though we had been a bajillion times, it was our first time in the Rainforest exhibit (the big dome in the middle of the museum). The exhibit was quite interesting. The temperature and humidity is set to emulate a real rainforest, and there are many indigenous wildlife including hundreds of butterflies flying around our heads.
There was also a special Hawaiian dance performance at the museum that Ruby took great interest in. As usual, she enjoyed herself immensely.
Mmmm ... fish ...
Though there were many to choose from, my personal favorite scene from the weekend was Ruby passed out on top of me after a morning of too much fun.
Now that her walking skills have significantly advanced, one of her favorite pastimes is to take a stroll down the street. For a long time after Ruby started walking, she refused to walk when outside, demanding that I and I alone carry her everywhere we went. Now that she has gained considerable confidence in her walking and also become much more resilient to falls, she insists on walking down the street by herself, not even wanting to hold hands unless she is being swung up in the air. She is now a very good walker and can walk quite a long distance on her own with minimal tumbles. However, walking anywhere with Ruby is still a painstakingly slow process that is much more about the journey than the destination. As is likely the case for most toddlers, she is extremely easily distracted and will stop to investigate everything.
Is that a rock on the ground??? Can I fit my finger into that grate? What is this pole for? A bird, a bird!!!
And shop windows or anything she can see her own reflection in, forget it! We once saw a little dog in a shop window getting its toenails clipped, and I didn't think we'd ever make it home.
Anyways, on the way back to the car from brunch, Ruby came upon some flowers and was so pleased she decided to do a little dance.
Sunday was a dreary day, so I took Ruby to the Cal Academy of Sciences. Even though we had been a bajillion times, it was our first time in the Rainforest exhibit (the big dome in the middle of the museum). The exhibit was quite interesting. The temperature and humidity is set to emulate a real rainforest, and there are many indigenous wildlife including hundreds of butterflies flying around our heads.
There was also a special Hawaiian dance performance at the museum that Ruby took great interest in. As usual, she enjoyed herself immensely.
Mmmm ... fish ...
Though there were many to choose from, my personal favorite scene from the weekend was Ruby passed out on top of me after a morning of too much fun.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Those who can't post link
Been too busy to post lately, what with writing my thesis, looking into preschools, and various social events (more on all of these later), so I will once again cop out and link Eva's blog, where Eva's mom wrote another wonderful account of our playdate Wednesday morning.
That afternoon Ruby got a haircut, and then had another dinner date with boyfriend Julien. It was another good Wednesday!
That afternoon Ruby got a haircut, and then had another dinner date with boyfriend Julien. It was another good Wednesday!
Monday, March 7, 2011
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Another Wednesday at the Discovery Museum
Today Ruby and I returned to one of her favorite spots, the Bay Area Discovery Museum in Sausalito. This time we were accompanied by her little friend Eva, and the two of them reprised their custom of walking hand in hand. As a testament to the improvement in Ruby's walking skills, this time, it was Ruby who led the way.
Eva's mom has posted a video as well as a detailed account of the outing on Eva's blog. (Be forewarned that the post is written in French, so you may have to utilize your browser's translate function.)
Eva's mom has posted a video as well as a detailed account of the outing on Eva's blog. (Be forewarned that the post is written in French, so you may have to utilize your browser's translate function.)
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