Little Sister Lucy

In a flash, Little Lucy is already 3 months old, and the newborn phase is behind us.  As quickly as Ruby's first 3 months flew by, Lucy's seemed even faster.  Likely it's because life moves at a much more frantic pace when you have a baby and a 3 year old than when you have just one little baby.  The second time around there is not the luxury of wallowing in the long days of maternity leave, napping and catching up on daytime TV.  This time there was a 3 year old who screamed, "Wake up Mommy!!!" anytime I started to drift off.  At the same time, there is also not the feeling of isolation and the shock of a life turned upside down that came with the first baby.  By now, we have our daily routines, our support system of other parents, and the calm that only comes with experience.  Overall this time around, the first 3 months have been much, much easier.

Lucy at 3 months can only be described as fat and happy.  At 16 lbs, she has already reached the size of Ruby when she was twice her age.  I've resigned myself to the conclusion that Lucy can't wear pants because nothing I've put her in seems to be able to contain all the belly flub.  

Unlike Ruby who was not able to breastfeed as a newborn, Lucy came into the world sucking on her finger and latched on the first try.  This is not to say that breastfeeding has been a breeze this time around.  I still went through your standard course of bleeding, blisters, and blinding pain that brought tears to my eyes, but, I suppose, such is motherhood.

Also unlike Big Sister Ruby, who was the sleepiest baby in the world and would sleep on anything anywhere under any conditions, Lucy is very particular about sleep.  Up until recently she slept exclusively either in the swing or draped over my body.  For about 2 months I spent my nights in a semi-reclined position with a baby on my chest.

Only in the last few weeks have we started trying to put Lucy down in her crib for the first stint of the night.  At first it took 2+ hours to rock her to sleep and then successfully transfer her into her crib without waking her and restarting the process.  The last few days have seen some improvement and we have actually been able to get both kids into bed around 8pm, thus reclaiming our evenings.  However, Lucy is nowhere close to sleeping through the night and still spends the majority of the night in our bed, eating and snuggling to her heart's delight.

Ever since she was a newborn, Lucy would always smile in her sleep like she was dreaming about big, big boobies full of milk.

When she was about 5 weeks old, she gave us her first true (conscious) smile and since then, smiles at anything that smiles at her.

There's nothing like a the gigantic, toothless grin of a chubby baby to make everything forgiven.

It never fails to surprise me how fleeting babyhood is.  I find myself wishing that I could go back and revisit each day of the last 3 months so that I can smell her again.  New parents, if I may offer a piece of advice, smell your baby EVERY day.  It goes by so fast.

Little Lucy, I could not have hoped for a more delicious baby.  You are so, so loved.

Big Sister Ruby

In the past couple of months, Ruby has taken the leap from being The Baby to being The Big Sister.  Like most major milestones in life, it has been a mixed bag, both wonderful and difficult.  Without being able to help it, my perception of Ruby changed when Lucy was born.  Suddenly she looked so BIG, her hands and feet seeming almost comically large compared to the new baby's.  She was suddenly so heavy I could barely lift her, and it seemed silly that she was still in diapers that looked the size of Depends.  Along with the physical growth, some of it actual and some of it relative, was also a dramatic increase in maturity.  Suddenly, she knew and understood EVERYTHING.   And she had an opinion about everything too.  Many times in these periods of rapid development, she's not able to keep up with herself.  She can't speak quickly enough what she's thinking; she can't do deftly enough what she's intending.  Of course much of her is still my little Ruby, but it feels like we've had to get to know a new Ruby these last few months just as we've had to get to know our new baby Lucy.

As a big sister, Ruby is top notch.  It's like she was born for this role.  Ruby doesn't know how not to be gentle.  When she touches Lucy, she barely grazes her cheek.  When she kisses her, she softly pecks the top of her head.  When she talks to Lucy, she assumes a coo-y "baby voice" just like adults do, and says things like, "You're so cute, Baby Lucy!" and "When you get a little bigger, I will share my toys with you."  Every day she tells Lucy a dozen times that she loves her and announces to others, "We're best friends!"  Whenever we're in a store, she insists on buying a present for Baby Sister.  One time she picked out a tiny greeting card with a dinosaur on the front and directed me to write, "To Lucy, From Ruby" on the inside.  As expected, Ruby wants to help do everything for Baby Sister, from changing diapers to reading books to giving baths to feeding her first bottle.

 The fallout from such a huge life change was a bit delayed from what we expected.  In the beginning Ruby really didn't show any signs of jealousy, even insisting urgently one time when Lucy was crying, "Give her to Mommy!  She NEEDS her!"  However, slowly we have seen the combination of becoming a big sister and turning 3 take a toll on Ruby.  The rate of tantrums which used to be 1 every 2 or 3 weeks has increased to 2 or 3 each day.  She sometimes seems out of sorts, waffling between "I'm a big girl.  I know what I want!" and "I'm a baby.  Hold me."  The other day she said to me out of the blue, "I'm not an only child anymore ... but I want to be an only child."  I sometimes feel very badly for Ruby, whose perfect life got turned upside down by this little person who she both loves and sometimes doesn't want.  I also sometimes feel bad for Lucy, who spends way more time unattended in the swing than Ruby ever did as I try to give Ruby as much attention as possible during the day.  At the same time, I know that they are both so lucky.  Because they are sisters!  They will have each other for the rest of their lives, a built-in best friend, someone to complain to about me, boys, school, etc., someone to plan their weddings with, someone to babysit each others' kids!  Even though I never knew it first hand, just seeing the two of them I know that there's nothing better than sisters.

In another couple of weeks, Ruby will take another leap and start preschool.  Even though all transitions are potentially difficult for a slow-to-warm kid like Ruby, I am hoping that preschool will be a great outlet for her to have her own space, do her own thing, make new friends, and continue to grow up.  I can't help but sometimes wish  that Ruby could be a baby again because she was the sweetest, happiest baby.  Day by day I have to come to terms with the fact that all babies grow up.

*These baby swans were born just before Ruby's 3rd birthday.  Now they, like Ruby, are big kids.

Lucy Tian-mei Zhang

First of all, thank you so much for all the well wishes!  It has been great to see some of you already, and we look forward to introducing Lucy to the rest of you soon!

Baby Sister Lucy came into the world on Saturday, June 16th, 8 days earlier than expected.  Due to our general procrastination in baby preparations this time around, we were sort of counting on a due date or later delivery.  Therefore, I spent much of the labor in denial that it was really happening.

Friday, June 15th was a very normal, uneventful day.  My mom took Ruby to the playground while Steve and I drove to Berkeley, where we bought Lucy's coming home outfit at Kid Dynamo on Shattuck, had lunch at Saul's, and picked up cupcakes at Love at First Bite.  In the afternoon I went to Trader Joe's, then made one of Ruby's favorite meals for dinner:  oven baked chicken and zucchini sticks.  In the evening after Ruby went to bed, I started feeling the same Braxton-Hicks contractions that I had been feeling every evening for the previous 2 or so weeks.  I was a bit uncomfortable, but we still watched a movie, ate a cupcake, and got ready for bed.

This time the contractions which usually subsided later in the evening persisted into the night, waking me several times.  Each time, I told myself to go back to sleep, I'm sure this will go away.  Finally around 4:30am, the situation became untenable, and I had to get up.  Even then, I was still thinking that is would probably go away and we could carry on with all of the weekend plans we had made.  I held out a little longer before deciding to call our doula to put her on alert just in case she had to leave the house and come over.  By this time, Steve and I were utilizing each break between contractions to pack the hospital bag, wash Lucy's coming home clothes, and make preparations for Ruby's day.  By 7am when our doula arrived my contractions were already very regular at around 5 minutes apart and increasing in intensity.  As it became more clear that we were indeed having a baby that day, on my mind were all the appointments I had to cancel.  I had a prenatal massage scheduled for that day, 2 OB appointments on Monday, the hospital tour on Tuesday, friends visiting, and a birthday party.  I was also thinking about Ruby and how her life was about to change forever.  I wondered if I had done enough to prepare her and if I had done enough to savor our time as an only-child family.

When Ruby was born, I labored for 36 hours at home with irregular contractions.  When the contractions finally formed a pattern and we went to the hospital, Ruby was born just 2 hours later.  Second births are most often significantly faster than the first, so we all had in our minds that we needed to leave for the hospital in a timely fashion or else risk delivering on the side of the road.  By around 9am my contractions were 3-4 minutes apart lasting for 1-1.5 minutes.  Even though our doula did not seem worried, Steve and I were feeling anxious to get to the hospital in case I progressed as quickly as I had the last time around.  When I was admitted around 9:30, I was 5 cm dilated and at -2 station, almost the same status as when I was admitted for Ruby's birth.  We all went into the delivery room with the expectation that we would have a baby very soon.

Lucy didn't make her appearance until 2:41pm, five hours after we arrived at Labor and Delivery.  I had thought that giving birth to Ruby was the most intense and challenging experience of my life, and at the time, I really couldn't conceive of how anything could be more difficult.  Giving birth to Lucy was precisely 2.5 times more difficult.  First of all, the timing of the labor (starting in the middle of the night and immediately intensifying) made it difficult for me to eat anything during that time, so I had essentially not eaten since the night before.  By the end much of the lightheadedness and nausea I was feeling was probably due to low blood sugar.  Secondly, the most drawn-out part of the labor this time around was at the very end, when the contractions are by far the most intense, closest together, and lasting the longest.  While both deliveries ended up being natural and unmedicated, with Ruby's it almost felt like it was out of my hands because it was so fast that there was no time to offer me anything anyways.  This time around, it felt much more like a conscious decision since by the end I was being offered interventions and augmentations.  Fortunately or unfortunately, I was in such a sad state at that point that I was almost unresponsive and incapable of making any decisions.  Just as I felt I could absolutely go no further, my water finally broke, and a few pushes later, Lucy was born.

My main envy of those who have medicated births are the glamorous "after" shots of mom and baby, looking refreshed and with hair in place.  I will spare you any photos of me until after I moved into the post-partum room and had a shower because I looked like I was going to die.

I made sure to make myself more presentable by the time Ruby arrived as to not freak her out.  I also made sure to have the baby in the bassinet as it is suggested that the first time your child sees you after having a new baby, you should be able to greet her as you normally do and not be holding the baby.  However, as soon as she entered the room, Ruby started looking around and asking, "Where's Baby Sister?"  And as soon as she laid eyes on her, she was in love.

I often wondered while I was still pregnant how I could possibly love anyone as much as I love Ruby.  Now that Baby Lucy is here, it's strange to think that I've only known her for such a short time because it feels like I've loved her forever.  We're so happy to have added another member to our Girl's Club!

Three

Last week Ruby turned three.  It is surreal to think that three years ago, we were here and will be again in a few short days/weeks.

I am thrilled to report that I made it through all of the birthday celebrations without going into labor, so that the focus could be on Ruby and how far she's come in the past three years.

The Sunday before her birthday, we threw a big birthday party at our house.  I wavered back and forth for a long time about whether we should have a very small, low-key party or go all-out and have a big party.  On the one hand, I was 37 weeks pregnant the weekend of her party, and I feared I would not have the energy to plan and host a large affair.  On the other hand, we really wanted to give Ruby a very special birthday not only to celebrate the anniversary of the day all of our lives became more than what we ever thought they could be, but also to cherish the final birthday of Ruby being an only child.  With Ruby and Baby Sister's birthdays being so close together, there is a likelihood of many joint birthday parties in their future, and we wanted to give Ruby her "last hoorah."

I happened to meet a woman through my search for interior decorators who specialized in performing random creative tasks, including planning parties.  We decided to enlist her help in planning and decorating the party so that I could enjoy the day without over-exerting myself.  She ended up creating an event that was, aside from our wedding, the most beautiful party we've ever (and probably ever will) throw.

The theme for the party (because all modern kids' parties must have a theme) was music, hence the vintage sheet music pinwheels and the musical chalkboard placemats that were given out as favors.  Ruby's favorite music teacher, Andrew put on a performance that was enjoyed by both kids and adults, and especially by Ruby.

It was such a wonderful day, and we were so happy to spend it with so many of Ruby's good friends!



We spent the day of Ruby's actual birthday last Thursday doing some of Ruby's favorite things as a family.  Steve took off from work, and my parents had arrived just before the birthday party (and plan to stay through the summer to help with the new baby).  We started the day with waffle-making and the reveal of Ruby's big birthday present - a dollhouse!

One of Ruby's favorite pastimes is riding on various forms of transportation, and top among them are boats.

We took a paddle boat around Stow Lake in Golden Gate Park, and Ruby was our fearless captain.

After the boat ride, we enjoyed high tea at the Secret Garden Teahouse, where Ruby nibbled and sipped and exercised the manners of a proper little lady.

Happy birthday, Ruby!  You are an amazement at every age!