Playgroups

One of the aspects of parenthood that I was most anxious about was the potential social isolation. Although Steve and I have a few friends who have kids, the vast majority of our friends are not even close to thinking about it. Previously whenever I've entered into a new life situation, like college or grad school, there was always an orientation of some kind involving handshakes, a picnic, and bonding over shared apprehension of the challenges ahead. I really wanted there to be a similar orientation for parenthood.

Fortunately, there is a bastion of wisdom and kinship for San Francisco mothers known as the Golden Gate Mothers Group. When I first heard about the group, I figured it was good resource for finding out about baby-related events and activities around the city. Little did I know of the power and formidability of this group and how it would be the first place I look to for advice on all things baby. My one regret is that I did not join the group earlier. For the first 6 weeks after Ruby was born, I was so overwhelmed by all of the issues we were dealing with that I could not think to join a mothers group. However, I have now read tons of accounts from other moms who went through very similar experiences, and I realize that I could have had a valuable support system instead of feeling like I was the only one going through such things. In any case, the GGMG has become my number one resource for childcare, parenting advice, and connecting with other new moms.

One of the best features of the group is that they organize playgroups for moms based on the age of their child. Playgroups are formed every other month, and they are assigned based on whether the mom works or stays at home. Unfortunately, I just missed the July playgroups forming meeting, so I had to wait until September. Since I was already back to work by that time, I signed up for a working moms playgroup. To join the playgroup, you have to attend the playgroup forming meeting held at a large cathedral downtown, where you meet all of the other moms in your group. I was very excited to attend and to finally have my parenthood orientation.

While I'm happy to report that the other moms in the group are very nice, and Ruby met many other babies born within just a few days of her, I have to say that I did feel I stuck out a bit in the group. Although I shouldn't have been too surprised because it probably reflects the general demographics of the GGMG, the other moms in my playgroup were significantly older (I would say at least 10-15 years older than me), they all seemed to live in either the Marina or Pacific Heights (the most affluent neighborhoods in the city), and they were all quite (prepare for politcal incorrectness) "WASP-y". I'm not sure what I seemed like to them (maybe an Asian Jaimie Lynn Spears?), but I definitely felt a little bit awkward at first. Since our first meeting, we've all gone to a Play and Learn class at Gymboree together, and I feel like I get along with them fine. I think in the end, regardless of extraneous differences in background, there are always things to talk about with other mothers.

Because everyone in the group is working and seemingly very busy, we are only going to meet a couple times a month on the weekends. Since I was really hoping that the playgroup was going to be my ticket out of social isolation, I wanted to be a part of a more active playgroup that met more regularly. Therefore, I also joined a non-working moms playgroup that meets during the week. Since my schedule at lab is pretty flexible, I figure I can get out early every once in a while and go to the meetings. So far I've been to two meetings with the non-working moms group. They definitely seem a lot more eager to meet, and the attendance is much higher than that of the working moms group.

The non-working moms group has been a lot more like how I pictured a playgroup to be. Each week a different person hosts at their house, and we all sit around in a circle with our babies and share mommy experiences. It's a really great way to see how other babies behave and to hear about other mothers' habits and routines. Just in our playgroup alone, there are two other mothers who have had the same problems with breastfeeding that we've had, which is really amazing considering at the time, I thought I was the only one in the world. I've also noticed that Ruby loves being around other babies. Sometimes she is so excited and distracted that she forgets that she is hungry. And how many things are better than a room full of squishy babies?



In addition to the two formal playgroups, I'm also trying to schedule as many playdates as I can with people we've met through GGMG. Ruby has actually had a playdate with the little boy whom we donate breastmilk to. He is super cute, and just 3 days older than Ruby. His parents and I have already begun arrangements for their future marriage. I'm also trying to start up playdates with mommies and babies in our neighborhood just to keep our schedule full. Parenting is definitely not something to be done in isolation, and if I'm going to walk around with spit up down my shirt and smelling like milk all the time, it's at least nice to have a group of people who don't care.