The SF preschool scene

When we first entered the San Francisco preschool scene a good year and a half ago, I found the process to be bewildering, overwhelming, and ridiculous. I could not understand why it was so difficult, so cut-throat, so complicated to send your child somewhere so they could fingerpaint and eat paste. I didn't understand how one school could be so much different from the next that its "large goup orientation" is booked up months in advance. And I certainly did not understand why essays and interviews would be required in preschool applications!

Now that we are in the weeds of it, these things have all become much more clear to me, and I find myself writing admissions essays rather than my thesis, checking the word count to make sure I don't pass the limit. I have realized that there are many things I misunderstood back when we first started thinking about preschools.

Common misconceptions:

1) The earlier you apply the better.

Although there are some schools in the city that are first come first serve and it would therefore benefit you to put your child on the waitlist at the moment of conception, most schools, including almost all of the most "prestigious" schools do not take into account when your application was received. In fact, many schools do not even accept inquiries or allow you to schedule a tour until the year that your child is eligible to enroll in the school.

If these schools do not take into account how early your application is received, then what criteria do they use to determine admission? Well, it is all about how good of a "fit" your child is in their school. This could mean that she is the right gender and the right age to fill the openings that are available. It could mean that she has the right temperament and disposition to create a good mix of personalities in the class. An important component of being a good fit means that the parents share in the school's philosophies regarding child development, learning techniques, discipline, etc. Unfortunately, oftentimes being a good fit also means having the proper connections to the school through other parents, administrators, or a willingness to donate time/money.

2) All preschools are more or less the same.

When we started out looking for preschools, I assumed that we would apply to all the ones within walking distance from our house and attend whichever we got into. However, once we started touring schools, I realized that every school was quite different from the other, and there were some schools that were obviously not a good fit and not even worth applying to.

I am also beginning to understand why certain "elite" preschools are so coveted and why there is a line going out the door of parents waiting to pay ridiculous amounts in tuition to send their children. In general, "elite" preschools are 1) established - they have been around for decades and have built a trusted reputation; 2) able to hire the highest quality staff - at some places, all of the teachers have graduate degrees in early childhood education/psychology, and there is a clear emphasis on fostering child development; 3) connected to "elite" private elementary schools - there is a good amount of evidence, although never openly admitted, that children attending these elite preschools have a better chance at being accepted to the city's elite private K-8's.

3) Parents who fight to get their kids into prestigious preschools are all crazies who think that that's the only way their kids will go to Harvard.

After learning more about the preschool and the Even More Insane elementary school admissions process in San Francisco, I've come to realize that parents who care about their child getting into a good private school are not necessarily Ivy league-fanatic, helicopter parents. In some cases, they are just people who want to continue to live in the city.

The public school situation in San Francisco is far from ideal. There are only a handful of decent elementary schools in the city, all of which are extremely oversubscribed with demand outstripping availability at a ratio of up to 20:1. Before this year, public school enrollment was based entirely on lottery, so the chances of getting into a decent school, even if you lived down the street from one, was slim to none. Starting this year, the system has changed to favor those who live in a particular school's arbitrarily drawn "attendance area." However, several other criteria trump this one, so unless you live in the attendance area of a school that is decent but "under the radar" (which very fortunately we do), there may still be only a small chance you will be enrolled in your neighborhood public school.

For the vast majority of San Francisco families who live in the attendance area of either a run-down school or a school so popular that it is already filled by families with higher priority, their only options are to pay for private school or to move out of the city. From what I understand, private non-religious schools in the city are universally difficult to get into, again due to supply and demand. There are a number of good public school districts outside of the city, but I more than anyone can understand how much it would suck to have to move to the suburbs. And in a situation like ours where we are investing so much into a house that was recently purchased, it could present a large financial burden to uproot and entire family and move. Therefore, I get why for some families, getting into either a "feeder" preschool or a pre-K affiliated with a private K-8 is of the utmost importance.

As I mentioned, our neighborhood school, George Peabody Elementary, is a small, "off-the-radar" school with great reviews and ratings. I know nothing of it first-hand, but I am pinning my hopes on loving the school and being admitted there. Unless the system significantly changes in the next couple of years, it is our only shot of attending public elementary school. And if that option falls through, I may find myself desperately running the private school circuit just like all those parents I've scoffed at in the past. It just goes to show that there is no room for judgement in parenthood.